27 and a PhD

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I’m a fat scientist

Some people think that because you have a PhD in science or health-related disciplines that you’ll automatically be the epitome of health and good-eating habits. And while there are responsible students, postdocs and PIs who eat their 5 portions of fruits and veggies and exercise I am not one of them. My last 3 PIs have been in shape, eating their fruits, carrying their home-made goodies and being overall examples of a healthy lifestyle.

Enter me, a 29-year-old female with poor eating habits, a size 30-something waist with a desire to do exercise only comparable to the Duggar’s ability to stop procreating … yeah right.

I’ve always had poor eating habits. Stemming from a doctor’s suspicion that I’d developed super fast compared to my peers, I was put on a diet restricting all sorts of animal protein. I don’t think it worked as I still developed fast, but instead my eating habits turned me into a junk-food addict. I guess my parents wanted me to eat something, so nuggets and processed foods it was. I never developed a liking to meats, other than nuggets and fake-burgers from BK, and milk really never called my name.

Now, as an adult I’m facing the constant lure of junk food, the only food I know and love. This has caused me to balloon up from my starting weight in grad school of around 150lbs, to over 180lbs. You might think well, this isn’t a huge deal. But I’m short. As in, even if I wear super high heels (which I can’t because the weight I’ve put on has caused my heels and arch to hurt like crazy) I still don’t get to kiss the BF without having him lean over.

Conclusion: I’m fat. And I’m not proud of it. I look at my cheeks, mid-section and arms and I feel disgusted by what I see. Not only that, but I’m super lazy when it comes to working out, and when I do,  I lose the faith instantly, sit back on the couch and eat ice cream.

I am tired. I’m tired of never having enough energy. Of having to buy everything in an XXL, or size 14 or more. I’m tired of not being able to wear cute sandals and of my boobs being 3X their normal size. I’m tired of feeling tired, of looking like a fridge in the mirror, all squared everywhere.

I eventually want to be a mom and I’d hate for my kids to see me like I am today, fat, feeling ugly and unhealthy. I’ve tried many things, but I can’t seem to bring myself to sticking to something and just doing it. But I made a promise to drop some of the pounds before my 30th birthday. I feel I can do it.I just don’t know how …. stay tuned for a new section on the blog dedicated to turning myself into “29 and a PhD AND a killer bod.”