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Credit scores

IDK if it was due to financial reform or what, but most, if not all, credit card companies seem to be offering (soft check) credit scores these days. I have two accounts that offer such a feature, and thankfully they’re both from different companies (one is Experian, the other is TransUnion). So, as I slowly crawl out of debt, I get to see the impact of being on time all the time. I’m very lucky in that I have a job that allows me to do this. I realize not everyone has this privilege.

If  you’ve been following my story for a while, then you know how much I hated (and still hate) my previous job, and how my economic situation has been since I started blogging (back in 2009!).  I chose to get out of the tenure track back in 2010-11 and I haven’t looked back since. I’ve held 3 jobs, in 3 different places since then, and I finally feel like I’ve found a place I like and where I see myself staying for (hopefully) a long time.

As a consequence of reining in my spending and being a bit more careful with my money, I’ve been able to pay off 3 debts (all of them in 2016, after contributing steadily for years) and I’m on track to finish the two biggest (and last) ones this year.

Based on what I mentioned in the first paragraph, I check my credit score whenever I want. In July of this year, both Experian and TransUnion said I was in the 660 range (my credit score got SO bad due to what I mention here, that I was honestly considering filing for bankruptcy). It got down to 520 at one point, and I remember seeing the letter from my credit card company and just holding my head and saying no. Something had to change. Once I found out what my dad had done, I asked him to give me full control of the accounts. I negotiated some lower payments to keep the cash flowing into those debts, but at the time (2011-2013), I wasn’t able to contribute even the minimum. Lucky for me, the guy in charge of my accounts was kind and understanding and he was willing and able to work with me (thank goodness for credit unions … I can’t say the same for you Bank of America … I hope you rot in hell and I can’t wait to finish paying off my account just so I can call you and say you can shove your card, your interests, and lack of humanity up your ass). Like I said here:

If things continue as they are, I should be nearly debt free by the end of this year. I honestly can’t wait to see what happens. I’m currently sitting at 705 …  not great, but definitely better than 520 or 660.

Near the end of the F year

I have to say that, career-wise, 2016 has been a good year for both my Mr and I. We’ve been doing pretty decently at work, managed to get away for about a week in the summer, got to spend a good chunk of the year together, and we’re gearing up to spend the holidays with our families. Phew.

But the world, the US, science, pop culture … well, it’s been a pretty crappy year all around.

I’m glad we’re near the end of this year. 2017 promises (at least in my head), to be a year of lots of achievements and completing goals … so we’ll see.

I think I’m ready to write down some resolutions for the coming year. As a reminder, here are the things I hoped/wanted to achieve by the end of this year:

  • Pay off/eliminate at least two of my 5 debts. Done and done. I eliminated two debts by June of this year. I really wanted (and worked hard) on eliminating a 3rd. However, I did charge some things (like getting a new battery, new brakes and some other work done on my car) to my card … so I didn’t do this third one.
  • Finish training (and feel confident in teaching) on a new tool in my  lab. It’s really a work in progress. Every week I learn something new … but I still have lots more to go through.
  • Get a good (if not great) review …. and perhaps a raise. Done and done!
  • Attend a conference, or at least a workshop. Done. It was so cool.
  • Have a mini emergency fund (ie. $1000) available before the end of the year. Was pretty close to achieving it, however, between the trip home and some other stuff, I’m only 20% done on this resolution.
  • Do our taxes ASAP (and find out IF we’re getting a refund). Did and applied the refund, in full, to my second of 3 credit cards. I hope that if I do get another refund this year, I can add to cc #2 and put it in the paid off list.
  • Go home for Christmas. ‘Nuff said. Yeah baby!!
  • Appear on a publication, even if just in the acknowledgements section. Always a fave resolution of mine. Not on a publication (yet), but I was acknowledged in a couple of presentations and posters … I call that a start.
  • Get a couch, or at least a recliner … since mine were left behind in the move (boo). Didn’t do. However, I did find the same couch I had, online and perhaps next year I can buy it.

Not on the list but still worth mentioning:

  • Finishing most months on the black!!
  • Visiting NYC for work and pleasure more than I thought possible 🙂
  • Getting a freakin’ new laptop!!!! I mean, I love my iPad .. but I still prefer having a physical keyboard and a bigger screen.
  • Buying a car. So hon can go to school and do groceries and not have to wait until I made it home.
  • Donated a lot of clothes. Recycled a good chunk of boxes and moving supplies. Organized closets and furniture. Trying to be a minimalist (still not perfect … not even close, but dang it, has the idea of minimalism been a catalyst for good things/changes.
  • Met a couple of Twitter peeps in the flesh.
  • Ventured into Canada twice! Both times were to places I’d never been!

For 2017, I hope to achieve/do:

  1. Pay off cc #2 and pay off a good chunk of cc #3. Maybe get rid of my not-in-my-name-debt-but-still-paying-anyway.
  2. Go on and spend some time with my students and pick up some of the cool stuff they do with their samples. Be better at troubleshooting stuff I’m currently not so well versed.
  3. Get another good review. A raise too, maybe?
  4. Go to a workshop or conference … hopefully a high profile one.
  5. Complete my emergency fund and finalize the rollover of my old retirement account into a new one.
  6. Do our taxes before mid-February, and if possible, apply whatever refund I get to cc #2, or maybe #3 if I stick to my guns and pay off what I can but I’m scared of (my mind is really a work of … who knows, I’m a little kooky).
  7. Go home for Christmas. And save money and not go through all my vacation time.
  8. Definitely appear as a co-author, or at least in the acknowledgements. I simply can’t give this one up.
  9. Go to the dentist and get a nice check up (after all, I do have dental coverage).
  10. Perhaps lose a few pounds.
  11. Put some of the money that (hopefully) will become available once I’m closer to being debt free into either my retirement account or a high yield savings account.
  12. Develop better organizing and scheduling habits so I can try to be available (and efficient) on as many instruments as possible (I do have a lot of instruments under my belt … kinda scary).
  13. Cook at home more often and bring leftovers for lunch.
  14. Get to work earlier/leave earlier.
  15. Open a separate savings account, perhaps with a local credit union/bank and deposit some $$ I have that’s been sitting in my drawer for way too long.

 

Money, money, money

You know what’s weird (but good)? I’m not shy about money. You can see how much I’ve written about money or salary related things here, here, here and here.  Not having to worry about money the way I was back in 2011 is yet one of the many parks I have at this job.

See, when I moved back to the US 5 years ago, I was making about $20k more than as a postdoc, but I truly didn’t feel that change because a) I moved ot NYC, and while the cost of almost everything was cheaper than in Canada … rent was a bitch (truly the only downside I saw of living in NYC) and b) I’d just learned that a loan I’d cosigned was not being paid and I took that duty on my shoulders so as to not fuck up some more my already battered credit score (I can’t give too many details, but suffice it to say, this involved more than 2 people and there was shouting and family issues involved). Eventually I had to move jobs as my first post-academia job didn’t pay enough, and we all know how that turned out.

I was making lots of money (compared to say …. when I started grad school … or even as a postdoc), but I wasn’t happy. I felt as if my wings were clipped, my dreams crushed and my soul stomped on. Luckily I got out and I’m doing much better.

Right before the end of my time in #toxiclab, I decided to get really, reeeeeally serious about debt. I mean, I was paying stuff off, but just the minimum, so it would take me until 2078 (an exaggeration) to pay it all off. I was spending money on covering household stuff because my husband was underemployed, I hadn’t taken a decent vacation in a while, and whatever money was left over was being spent on clothes and house decor BS … mostly because I was trying to fill the void that the job I hated had created.

Sometime in 2015 things started clicking and I decided to add more change to what I was paying on my cards and other debts. At first it sucked, but as I saw the balance getting smaller and smaller, I started to feel like I was really on my way to being debt free. Back in August I updated my resolutions for 2016 and you can read up some more on how I felt about paying off one of my debts.

I’d been plugging numbers for quite some time, and seeing one of those debts just whoosh out of existence gave me this high … a high I’ve been on for a few months now. That has served as inspiration to keep it going. I’m nowhere near done, but I can see a light, though small and faint, I can see it.

I’m trying for a final push this year to see if instead of two debts, I end up with 3 at 0 balance. While paying all those children of Satan I’ve managed to go on a really cool vacation with my hubs paid in cash. The first vacation I’ve come home from without a single penny charged to a card before or after. I finished paying a small loan I’d co-signed years ago and while I celebrated paying it off too, it didn’t feel nearly as good because I took responsibility for a debt I didn’t see a cent of (crazy, I know).

I went to a conference and used my savings to pay for it. Once I was reimbursed, a good chunk of that went into paying another card. That’s the one I’m trying to eliminate before December 31st. I don’t think it’ll happen, but I’m damn sure trying my best.

If all continues as it’s been, I should be debt free by December of next year. I don’t want to celebrate just yet, but I have set it as a goal and I’ll try my best to keep it going. I sometimes run my numbers on a sheet of paper (I’m old school, baby) and I can’t believe my eyes when I see how much money I’d end up seeing, and saving when all is said and done.

See, I never envisioned getting into debt, and when I did and was deep down, I felt so ashamed. And I kept piling it on and on thinking (foolishly) that somehow I’d get out and deal with it some other time. I guess it was my naivete or simply stupidity. But the truth is that pure effort, consistency and discipline have been the things to keep me going. It is sure easy to close my eyes, forget about it all and just open credit card accounts or loans left and right. But having tasted the goodness of paying stuff off and seeing how much money is left in my account, knowing that if I decide to buy a couch, or fix a small issue on my car I can do it and not fear that I won’t have enough money to eat or get to work …. I mean, it’s simply amazing.

I’ll continue posting as I get closer to my goal of being debt-free in 2017.

Near 3 months without a single update …. sheesh

As usual, I know I’ve been absent from both here and the Twitts. I guess that after the #tourofdepression2015 I needed to disconnect a bit, and while I’m doing better now … some of that disconnect appears to be here to stay.

Gosh, where do I start? I have a million things in my head. I went to a conference and a workshop. I got to see some former labmates from two jobs ago, and I still love them dearly. I got in touch with one of my top bosses from my previous job (but not #toxicboss) and got to tell him about the good review, the raise, how different things feel (but not in a way that painted my former situation all that bad … I didn’t mention once #toxicboss or anything. He said he’s genuinely happy that things are looking up.

Indeed … I’ve gotten to do, experience and feel so many positive things this year. Even with a loss in the family and a hectic schedule at times, overall, compared to the last 5 years, this year has behaved.

I’m happy at my job and feel useful. I get to hang out with some of my students off campus (both a conferences and at home, a time or two, and always keeping it professional, no getting drunk or showing boobs or ass around). I’ve instituted rules and procedures … and while I have to remind some of the students to book something far in advance, or be nice and tell others when they’re done using some equipment, overall, I’m happy with them.

I’ve made lots of connections, at school and away, and for the first time in a long time I haven’t looked at a job posting since I started a job. That’s so weird to me. I feared being mistreated again, or getting bored, or something else. But overall I’m happy with the way things are right now.

It’s so unusual, I sometimes don’t know how to deal with these feelings of being in the right place, with the right people. I no longer fear waking up and realizing it was all a dream, but it still takes me by surprise that I can *be* and *feel* happy to belong somewhere.

Been meaning to write for a while

But between the hectic schedule and instruments breaking down, and my energy levels at an all time low, I’ve been putting it off. Then I remembered how good it feels to let things out and feel like I’m coming up to the surface to get some air.

Earlier this year my husband and I came to the realization that moving for this job was a BIG mistake. Neither one of us is happy or feels like we’ve had some of our dreams come true. On the contrary, between health issues that send hubs to the hospital more than once, and my inability to submit and find a way to click with my boss, the heartaches and headaches have been enough. Earlier last week I realized that the only reason I took this job was because it paid more. Nothing else. My benefits at my previous job were comparable and the company ponied up the money for my retirement up front, instead of waiting 6 months or whatever (like my current job does) and deduct it from my paycheck. I know, this is silly. There are a host of other things that I’m not at liberty to discuss that make the job even less appealing, but that’s one that really pisses me off.

And sure, I butted heads with my previous boss on occasion, but he didn’t meddle in lab affairs, or wanted to control my every move, something that I’m constantly fighting against at my current job. The pay isn’t worth the heartache. The city is boring beyond compare, and the stress it has put in my marriage is simply not worth it. I’m a (semi) godless liberal … and this is most definitely not my turf.

Because of those things and more, I’ve decided to start looking for a job. I haven’t warned the boss and I don’t plan to until I have to … ie. until someone asks for recommendations specifically from them. I know it’s a huge gamble, and I’m banking on some of the senior people that I’ve worked on here to help offset my current bosses low opinion of me, the rebellious bitch.

Some of the things I’m thankful for having learned at my current job are that money will not ever buy me happiness. It certainly hasn’t alleviated my feelings of inadequacy, hasn’t funded long vacations home to decompress, let alone freed some time to spend with my husband away from work. I have learned that I’m not willing to submit to an asshole no matter how much money they throw at me (oh, I’m, starting to sound like a high paid escort). And that I was trained well and know my shit, even when the asshole boss is fixated on proving me wrong (time and time again I’ve proven them wrong, yet they continue to give me the evil eye). I’ve learned that I like the fixing part of the instrument more than I thought possible, but I would have to go back and earn a BE in mechE or EE to even attempt to apply to their company. I’ve learned that I love training students and that I can train them faster than I thought possible. I’ve updated web pages and lab protocols to help run things smoothly. I have created databases and started ways to document things that weren’t in place before I got here.

But even with all those little goals met, it’s still not enough. I’ve been asked (forced) to mold into something I’m not, into something that I thought I’d left behind. There’s a reason I didn’t pursue the academic dream, and I’ve been forced to stare at those demons in the face and reiterate that I’m not going to compromise. Academia is not for me. Never was, never will.

I’ve experienced some of the growing pains I’d faced before … when I was a postdoc. And while it hasn’t been nearly as devastating (possibly because I’d faced those demons), it has hurt, it has been painful anyway.

Sometimes I beat my chest and ask the universe, why, why didn’t I stay where I was. The comfort of what was known was reassuring. The demons I battled there were known and I could handle them. I gave myself the freedom to dream and think that I could still make it in academia, well, in the fringes. But I was wrong. There are things I knew I didn’t like and still came back … mostly because I wanted to feel needed. I wanted to know what it was like to go back to a place I’d been and dazzle everyone with my mad skillz. And that pride came to bite me in the ass. And in a way it is OK, because it means I have a couple more notches on my belt. I can lick my wounds and try to fight back. That I have a clearer picture of what I want and know my limits.

Growing pains, being an adult, being a facilities coordinator (my official title), they have all sucked pieces of me. But today I’m making the decision to stand up, to use the knowledge and skills learned and perfected over the last 1.5 years and fight back. I vow to not settle again, to not be dazzled by supposed past glories and by other people’s judgement. I vow to listen to my inner voice, the same one that warned me loud and clear that my boss was trouble; the same voice I ignored in favor of more money and prestige. Take it from me, apparent more money and prestige aren’t always what they are said to be. You need to be true to yourself and embrace your quirks and respect yourself enough to say enough, to walk back, to try to not burn bridges but still be willing to move away, for your family and your sanity.

I’m done.

I dated a Christian Grey once …

******* Trigger warning *******

This entry contains a sexual coercion situation. This is sensitive stuff for lots of us. Please,  I don’t want you to end up in therapy because of whatI wrote. If sexual coercion situations upset you, please read with caution.

*********************************

No, no, not someone into BDSM. Someone abusive …. like Christian Grey.

So, no big secret, I decided to get out from under my rock and read all 3 Fifty Shades over the weekend (honey was our of town for a bit, so that gave me plenty of free time). I’d heard all sorts of comments about it, from love to hate and everything in between.

This is by no means a comprehensive discussion (and I may spoil it for some people); I just want to get some of my impressions out and share some of my thoughts.

I didn’t want to pay for a book that a) was originally conceived as fan fiction of Twilight (and I am against Twilight), b) had been e-published, c) probably depicted violence against a female based on comments I’d read.

Lucky me, I found the pdfs of it and read it on my iPad gratis.

Some aspects of the book I enjoyed, in a weird way, I guess: I’m a brunette, so seeing having one as the main character was somewhat good (but she’s a while brunette, not a latina like me) . She was interested in British Literature, as I used to be (somewhat) at her age. She met her “prince charming” at nearly the same age as I did meet and date my Mr Grey. I did find erotica appealing and the fact that in some way, the main character, Anastasia owned her sexuality, her desires and (eventually, somewhat) asked for what she wanted.

That’s the extent of what I found “positive”. Everything else, from the writing, the plot, Christian’s attitudes and behaviours … it all made me shudder.

Nope, not the supposed BDSM scenes (which I kept waiting for and never really got … sure, a butt plug here, a whip or flogger there … that’s about it). So, the comments I’d read about people turning bright red upon reading the sex scenes were … overrated, IMO. The true problem is Christian’s abusive, manipulative behaviours and the fact that the same “prince charming” crap keeps getting bombarded to us. That we need a man to complete us, to validate us. But above all, that with just love and patience and submission, we can fix what’s wrong if we end up with a physically or (in this case) mentally abusive partner.

Having said all that, and somewhat setting the stage, I want to share my story.

_________________________

In 2001 I was a sophomore in college. I had my life planned out, I was going to start applying for med school in the fall of 2002 and life was going to be awesome. In March or April of that year, at the last minute, I decided to apply for a summer research program out on the East Coast and was accepted. That summer I ended up going to a well known public school in New England and doing a project which I hated with passion. That same summer, I met my very own Christian Grey. He was a bit taller than me, a bit pudgy and very smart. His smarts and looks instantly attracted me and I was taken by his smile. I could see a lot of pain in his eyes and I wanted to heal him, to make him smile for me and for the world (sounds familiar?). We ended up dating for almost a year, then he broke my heart the first time, but we patched things up. I will spare you most of the details, but he was very controlling (what I could and couldn’t wear; my contact with my family (eventually I turned against them)). It all started slowly, with a timid but forceful ‘If you break up with me, I promise you I’ll disappear, you’ll never find me and you’ll never, ever know about my whereabouts and it’s going to drive you crazy’ spiel. But I just shrugged and continued with our relationship. He was the first boy I’d ever let into my heart, truly into it, and I didn’t want to give up on the promise of a bright future (I was 19 at the time and I’d lived a very sheltered existence up until that point, I thought the first man I’d kiss would end up being my husband). We did many things together, from studying for exams (he was in the same school as I was), to going to family functions.

Then the summer of 2002 came about. We ended up in separate states and he promised to visit.

In one of those visits, a friend drove him to the dorm I was staying for the summer. We went out for dinner and then hung out, and because my room had an extra bed, they spent the night there. My sweet Mr Grey slept in my bed and our friend slept in the bed across ours.

We’d ‘played’ with each other, gone almost all the way, but I’d been able to stand my ground and avoid having intercourse. Up until that night.

That night my very own Christian Grey used all his power and charm to subdue me and beg coerce me into sleeping with him. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were in bed fooling around and I was half naked. He drops his pants, drops his undies and starts asking. At first he asked, that he did. Then he used a bit more force. I was still saying no. I said no … so many times. I said no. Eventually, after much begging, bargaining and promises (that we’d get married, that intercourse would help me get rid of my painful periods, ha!), I relented. I said yes. In a soft voice I agreed to let him in. I cried. What convinced me was that he said he wanted to lose his virginity with me. He wanted to be my first and only. He knew that was my weak point. And I relented.

I was in pain. I wanted him out. But I had just agreed to go forth. I couldn’t turn my back, could I? This is the first time I’m openly admitting it. My heart is racing as I type these words … I couldn’t back out. I’d already given my word. Who was I to back out?

I can’t remember how fast things happened. But I remember the tears. I had a bit of pain and discomfort … but more than anything, I couldn’t believe that the special moment I’d been told about by my mom and by movies and magazines had a) gone that fast and b) gone so awry. I wanted hearts and flowers. And I got none of it. I had a friend passed out in the bed across mine, I had a very hormonal boyfriend who had just convinced me by breaking my will, that it was OK and that we’d be OK. That sure, it wasn’t romantic or special, but it happened. I was his. I remember him saying that, I was his, I was all his.

Throughout the year before that night I’d been systematically broken down. He always complained about my big mouth and about not being able to keep it shut when I was with his family. I’d begged him to correct me. I wanted to avoid pissing him off, causing any sort of issues or conflicts. I begged to be disciplined so I could become the perfect girl he wanted. I opted not to wear certain clothes, for fear that he’d have a hissy fit and accuse me of being a slut or of capturing the attention of other guys and make him look like an idiot. Christian Grey did that. His weapons of choice, of power, were his penis .. having sex … and the mind games he played. And it was the same with my Mr Grey.

I eventually learned to like sex, to use it as a weapon to quiet my Mr Grey whenever I pissed him off.

Eventually his promises died. He cheated on me (I only learned about it 3 years after we broke up … but as usual, I suspected it). He eventually got married and I believe he’s had progeny. I pray that his progeny will never meet someone like him. He’s still probably not aware of the damage he did to me or how he broke me down.

I wasn’t aware of it until I learned about sexual coercion and about how I had the power to say no, but I didn’t use it. Because I didn’t know that it was a possibility.

I had all these patriarchal ideas in my head, and that didn’t fit into what I was experiencing. In a way, I felt like I deserved it, because I was being a ‘slut’ in the eyes of my family and my church. I was throwing away everything that was good and wholesome … thus I deserved to have my first sexual encounter be one in which I was coerced, in which there was another person in the room, someone that could wake up and perhaps could have stopped. But I was afraid of disturbing his sleep with my cries.

_________________________

Reading 50 Shades helped me realized that having someone controlling, someone exerting power over you, especially if you’ve not given your consent, is toxic. It is damaging.

I applaud that we’ve made progress into helping women own up their sexuality, say what they want and under what conditions, and hopefully be respected. But I do not applaud the glorification of a control freak, a stalker, as Christian Grey is, and how many of us swoon over this “ideal” man.

My ideal man listens to me, rubs my back when I’m tired, is my nurse when I’m ill. My “prince charming” loves hearing me laughs and hates when I cry, and does everything in his power to make me smile. He cares for me and for our cats. Helps me with the dishes, offers to cook for me, and washes my clothes when I’m out of time. He’s a good, respectful sexual partner and is interested in making me feel like a queen. He doesn’t stalk me, or disrespects me, and would never belittle me … and I am so glad I married him instead of my ex, Mr Grey.

_________________________

This clip is very awesome, and is one of the few that help put everything in perspective when it comes to 50 Shades and how the relationship of these characters is.

Mirena-versary (oh yeah, I went there)

In a couple of weeks I’ll celebrate my Mirena-versary (yes, it’s been almost a year since I got my Mirena in … time flies). Today, the always wonderful Katie tweeted an early FF to moi because … well, I’m always talking about personal business regarding my ladybits (not graphic stuff, but weighing in on Mirena and other forms of birth control). And her tweet reminded me also that I haven’t updated my blog regarding how things have been going with Mirena since way back in Sept of 2013. So, here’s a short and sweet post on how has my year been since I had Mirena inserted.

Around this time last year I’d been mulling over trying Mirena. I’d turned 32 the month before and was working hard in my lab when a convo with one of our trainees about birth control sparked my interest in trying progesterone-only BC. Mirena is a T shaped form of BC that is inserted in your uterus and through a variety of mechanisms, which include: thickening of the cervical mucus (making it harder for the little swimmers to get close to the egg), possible suppression of ovulation, and thinning of the lining of the uterus, prevents unplanned pregnancies. Mirena does this by slowly but surely releasing a synthetic version of progesterone locally and can stay put for about 5 years. There are other types of T-shaped BC rods, including Paraguard (ie., the copper one), and Skyla, which is similar to Mirena, but lasts for 3 years instead of 5. (And no, I wasn’t paid to say any of the above, just pointing out some of the details which may be relevant to us biologists).

At the time I went to the women’s clinic at work, I had no idea that Skyla even existed. Had I known that, I would have opted for it, not only because it is slightly smaller than Mirena, but because instead of 5 years, I could have had it in for 3 and have it taken out by the time hon and I may consider having a spawn of our own (no, I do not refer to my nephew as spawn, he’s the most adorable little boy ever … I like to have a fun outlook on a possible 27 and a PhD baby). The deductible would have been the same ($30), but it would have been a lower cost to my insurance and should I decide to take the Mirena out before the 5 years I’d feel like I’d wasted $$, even if my deductible was the same.

Anyway, after the initial shock of having my OB measure the inside of my ladybits and poke me a bit, the Mirena went in and after a bit of bleeding I got a break, and then spent about a month spotting. I did feel the discomfort of the instruments even though I was given a local anesthetic because I can’t take most painkillers. And I felt discomfort the first night and had a bit of a headache but it slowly went away.

Sometimes I think I feel/know when I’m ovulating because I feel as if something was breaking (more of a popping) inside of me, in my abdominal area. One OB I saw as a student said that some women report this and that it may be possible to feel the follicle releasing the egg. Usually after this “popping” I get some discomfort and two weeks later the red gates open and I’m miserable.

With Mirena, I was spotting for a month, then things normalized a bit and I was able to sort of predict when my period would start. During my next two periods I would spot, but the periods were definitely less heavy than … well, ever, and I didn’t have to take painkillers as much as I’d doing. I did hang around a bit with my heating pad as I was afraid that at any point I’d have my period and cramps show up … but thankfully that never happened. My mood didn’t deteriorate, my breasts didn’t feel any different, in general, it was how I remember my 2nd or 3rd period happen before I started getting the cramps from hell.

My OB showed me how to feel the threads that are supposed to hang out of the cervix. And honey did report at some point feeling something poking a bit, but nothing major and certainly it didn’t impair his …. performance.

Before our wedding, I did go back to the OB to have my threads checked because I couldn’t feel them. Turns out the threads sometimes curl up and are difficult to feel. I then (as always) shared my experience with the lady scientists on Twitter and a few of them said that they don’t even check them anymore … so I guess it depends on your OB. The threads can be a bit stubborn, but you don’t feel them, I promise.

I had my last period sometime in February and since then, I’ve been period free. Yes, you read it right. PERIOD. FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. This is truly a state of bliss.

I remember when I was grad student and I first saw the ad for (I think) Seasonique and it mentioned that you could have your period 4 times a year. I was appalled and I thought, hell, I ain’t doing that! But as I got older it dawned on me that all the suffering, the missed work days, the cramps, the breast tenderness and pain, they all could have been gone years ago! I wasn’t sexually active at that time and felt silly suppressing my period. Ignorance was not bliss.

I think Mirena works well for me and if asked, I’d tell all ladies to forget about the pills and go with an IUD. For me it’s proven safe, effective, non disruptive and I don’t have to worry about forgetting to take a pill or making a quick stop at the pharmacy for a condom.

But above all, beyond preventing an unplanned pregnancy, what makes me a believer is that I haven’t had cramps in almost a year. And, for me, that’s unheard of. I’ve had to miss work because I’ve had a cold or a medical procedure, but not because of my period. I honestly wish I’d made this decision 10 years ago.

For me, an IUD has been a life saver and money saver. I haven’t had to purchase pads in a LONG time, and the other day when I had a headache, I couldn’t even remember where I’d put my acetaminophen!

*** If you want to follow the conversation on IUDs, other forms of BC and ladybits, click here. And last but not least, you can read about IUDs and how they are most definitely NOT an abortifacient as the scientists of the Supreme Court and Hobby Lobby want you to believe. Oh wait … Hobby Lobby and the Supreme Court don’t have scientists … they are NOT scientists.