Week #2 of Dr 27 trying to lose some weight just wrapped up. Thank fuck. I’m so tired. Besides being sleepy as usual (I think I’ve been having trouble sleeping for >8yrs; honey just reminded me he used to tell me stories late at night when we started dating so I’d go to sleep … it worked sometimes). I’m still sleepy, regardless of regular exercise. I’ve been a bit less faithful with my all fruit/all veggies/all wheat lunches, mostly because I couldn’t find my pitas at the supermarket.
Hon and I are working out together, for 30 mins, almost every day of the week. But Monday I had to go to my follow up on the Mirena appt and didn’t move a finger, and on Tuesday I was too tired and lazy to get up. According to my medical chart, I’ve dropped 3.9 pounds since the last time they saw me (a month ago). My blood pressure is also better (100/70). But my muscles are a bit sore and … did I mention that I was oh so very tired still? I haven’t (obviously) lost any inches from my gut or boobs … but I’m hanging on to hope … we’ll see.
I still don’t like working out, but my knees are not hurting and I can now walk a bit faster.
I hope to go back to bringing lunch every day next week. And damn it I will find my stupid whole wheat mini pitas somewhere! This week I was lazy (and far too busy) to sit down on my desk and eat (except for Tuesday and today). Too many things are falling apart in the lab at the same time, and I feel like I couldn’t catch a break.
Hopefully this weekend we’ll decompress a bit. We’re hoping to go to a fall crafts thing and perhaps catch a game. We need to take hon’s bike to a repair shop to have it looked at, so we can continue with the #bikedouchery. We’ll see how I can hang on to the getting up in the morning and doing exercise and eating healthy thing.
PS. As for the Mirena … I still have a bit of spotting, but the thing is in place. My boobs have not hurt one bit since my last (heavy) period which was in August. I’m hoping that once the stupid spotting is gone, I can catch a break from wearing pads … and perhaps even from having a period. I really won’t know for a few more months. If the bleeding becomes heavy, or it doesn’t stop, the Mirena will have to come off. But we’ll see. So far my breasts are doing OK and I’m hoping they’ll stay like that. And I’m getting protection from having babies. So those are all good things. This has been your Mirena report for September.
It’s called diet and exercise. Or fitness regime. Or whatever the fuck you call losing all the weight you gained while doing a PhD and a postdoc.
Soooooo, back in the first trimester of 2013, as I was on my way south from the shire of York, I decided that I needed to lose these pesky 50, or 60 or 80 extra lbs I have hanging around me. Around my boobs (I used to be a 36C and now I’m a 42D …. da fuck, it’s worse than if I was preggers). I have a waist circumference greater than that of Mr Dr 27 and I’ve got even more stretch marks than a teenager, all due to rapid weight gain. I’m at a loss. I feel tired all the time. I don’t sleep well. I snore. I feel like a giant blob. Ugh. Yeah, ugh.
I started going to the gym. Was doing both cardio and weights and was losing one pound or so every week. Then I fell off the wagon. And gained it all back. Granted, I’d only gone from 206lbs to 195 … but still.
I know, I know, that we shouldn’t necessarily believe the BMI numbers and percentages. But I see pictures of the time I was below 160lbs … and I look so happy. My clothes fit. My posture is much improved. My boobs don’t look like they’re overtaking my chest. I even had a waist, regardless of what my UG mentor thought.
I wasn’t a size 14 going on 16. And I was 1.5 shoe sizes less. WTF is wrong with me! And I was in a physiology and anatomy department during my PhD!!! Fuck, there were like 15 million seminars on belly fat and good body fat vs bad and cardiovascular disease and metabolic syndrome every single day of the week in my former department!
I’m killing myself and I don’t know how to stop!!! I eat all sorts of crap. Sure, I do eat meatless on most days. But I eat just as much as my husband. And he’s 6ft tall. And just because I don’t eat meat, it doesn’t mean I don’t have the need to fill my belly.
I’ve done weight watchers in the past. I did lose some weight. Almost 20lbs. But gained it all back. And 20 more pounds. I can’t afford a personal trainer. And to top it all off, I need to fit in a certain dress for my wedding next year (I’ve already bookmarked another dress that can be shipped in my size, in case I don’t drop all the pounds by the time I need). Good thing I only spent $230 on my wedding dress (though you wouldn’t believe me if I showed it to you). I can always sell it. But it would suck BIG because honey has already seen it and loves it and would love to see me wearing it.
Soooooooooooo, today, Tuesday Sept 10th, 2013 … on the 18th anniversary of my paternal grandfather’s death due to a massive heart attack (he was 64; due to complications of diabetes … even though he regularly checked his blood glucose levels, and measured and weighted everything and was slim) …
I Dr 27 and a PhD, do solemnly (but begrudgingly) swear to eat better and exercise. (fuck)
I can’t promise I’ll lose the 50lbs needed to fit in the dress (and not have the gut just take over in every single wedding picture) in time for the wedding. (double fuck)
But I do think I’ll lose some of the weight. (oh, who am I kidding … fuck).
I promise to eat fruits and veggies, lean meat and more veggies.
I promise to stay away from my regular soda.
And eat hummus and low fat cheese.
And drink water (clear coloured, not with HFCS, soda, ice and a lime wedge … aka Coca Cola or Pepsi .. regular please)
I’ll try to work out 30 mins every day of the week, so long as my legs and arms cooperate.
And I’ll try to give it my best.
But I anticipate I’ll give up more than once.
And run into the arms of my two friends Ben and Jerry.
Or anything that’s on sale at Publix. Or Kroger. Or both.
I promise to complain every day until the blessed day in 2014.
Ugh … who am I kidding … this is like climbing Mt Everest, naked, without oxygen, or boots.
And somehow I hope to make it.
Who am I kidding … I’ll fall flat on my face.
This is like imposter syndrome .. but worse.
Because I’ll have to look at my mirror.
And see the disappointment in hon’s eyes when I don’t reach my goal.
I’ll never be fit again …
I. just. want. to. be. healthy. and. look. hot. once. again. Srsly.
I hope I’m not kidding myself. Well, maybe I am. I’m lazy and I get bored and tired easily.
But fuck, I need to see this gut gone. I need to get down to a C-cup (though I’ll balloon again to a D should the husband and I have a spawn).
I’m tired of being another statistic. Another unhealthy Hispanic woman. But fuck, this is tough.
And this is how I’ll look from now until early next year:
Attention: This post contains the words period, blood, bloody tissue, ladybits, vagina, et al. If you’re not curious, skip it. If you faint at the sound of the word blood, feel free to skip it too. If you can’t ready about ladybits … well, you know the drill.
Today marks the first month I’ve been on this form of birth control. It’s weird. Not the bad kind of weird, not the good-ish one either … just neutral weird, if you can call it that. In the month of August I spent only a handful of days where bloody tissue wasn’t coming out of the ladybits. I’ve never had this happen, not even when my period started back in 1992. I did skip it a few months, part of my body adjusting to puberty. And I usually have a month, every year for the past 10 or so that my period doesn’t make an appearance. For the most part I’m regular, with a period lasting 5-7 days.
I got the Mirena right at the end of my period in August. It involved pain and discomfort and after looking at some videos on the procedure over on YouTube, I felt bad for my poor vagina, cervix and uterus. But I’m doing this for a reason. I’ve had bad cramps since I was in 6th or 7th grade (92-93) and they’ve gotten progressively worse. I used to get bad cramps in middle school, to the point where I felt that my legs would collapse. And it got worse as I got close to college (they were bad even after starting to have sex .. which is the excuse my ex used to get me to have sex with him … silly 20yr old me). In grad school, my boss had bad cramps too, so she understood if I had to stay home one day every month. And I’m just tired of this pain. I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with feeling like I want to yank my inner bits so that I can get some peace. It’s not only my inner workings, but also my mood is horrendous and I can’t sleep well 2 weeks prior to my period. Thus, after trying at least 3 other types of birth control and having horrible side effects (including gaining 10 pounds in single a month and sore boobs which felt like they were going to explode), I decided to give a shot to Mirena.
Other than the initial discomfort of measuring and putting it in, I feel OK. I did get a bit of a headache during the first night … which reminded me of a few conversations I’d had with my lady peeps on Twitter about how a few got worsening migraines. But after that, it seemed to be sort of smooth sailing. I got a heavy-ish period two weeks after, and I’ve had what looks like a very light period since. Enough to require a pad, but not like my usual period which requires changing every few hours, continuous access to a heating pad and as many non-NSAID drugs as I can get into my system without messing (too much) with my liver.
I’d give a 10 to Mirena if it wasn’t for the constant light period and having a pad in between my legs for the last 3 weeks … but for now my boobs are not tender and in pain and I don’t have headaches or pain in my tummy.
If after the 3-6 months wait I’m nowhere near finished with the light periods, I’ll get it out and brave the pains, once again. Unless I decide to forgo the option of having children, in which case I’ll get all my internal ladybits yanked out because the pain is THAT excruciating.
If you’re on Mirena or Paraguard, how has your experience been?