I am free. I am free to do whatever I please, whatever I want, at whatever time I want. I have mixed feelings about this. I’ve never been jobless or project-less since I started my journey through higher education years ago.I’m guessing this is the time where I should really discover what is it I like and would like to do for the next chapter of my adult life.
I finished. I am done. I’m packed and moved from my former office and department to my home office/bedroom. My new full-time job is to look for a job, to enjoy my freedom and to start processing what these last 2 years have been and what they have done in/to my life.
I said my goodbyes, had a good laughter with my now former labmates, exchanged emails and contact info, had beer. No more seminars, workshops or lab meetings at 0’dark hundred in the morning until further notice.
I have a sense of relief, but some reservations and fears too … because God only knows that after my last check is done I won’t have any other sources of income. I’ll be calling my bank and credit card companies, explaining the situation and seeing if something can be done.
Nothing is happening on the interview front. My last official interview was back a month ago. I never heard from the second to last place I went, even though they said they’d be in touch, and it was the place I liked the most. This doesn’t mean I haven’t been applying. God is my witness to the amount of resumes and CVs I’ve tweaked in the last few weeks. My family is aware that by mid-July I’ll be there. Hon and I are sorting out what to do with our apartment and I have to find a buyer for my car, in the US (don’t know how that’s going to happen!). There aren’t any tricks under my sleeve, no last resources or hopelines. It’s all a complete unknown from here on.
I am somewhat scared since I’m a planner. I’ve never, in my 29 years, been in a situation where I haven’t known what the next step is and where to go. I’m at peace. I don’t feel undervalued and underappreciated anymore. I have no boss, no one to answer to other than myself.
We’ll see what life brings, but it is done, I am done with my postdoc. Paperless and all, but I am done. I am so ready to put this experience behind me.
This is freedom.