Greetings readers, old and new and tweeps. I know I’ve neglected writing and this blog for a while. I haven’t had enough energy to post, and given the stuff that’s gone down I really don’t have the energy or mental state to write anything. I promised a friend that I’d post his question and have failed to do it. I feel terrible, and I hope to remedy it soon, as I think he’d benefit from your wisdom.
As regular readers and tweeps alike know, I’ve been looking for a job for a while now. It is no secret that I realized, at some point, that my choice for a postdoc (or more directly, to do a postdoc) was not what I thought it would be and that I needed to get out ASAP. Both for my mental sanity and so that my boss could look for the ideal postdoc to complement his lab, and not drag it down, like I’ve been doing.
I’d been postponing talking to the boss about renewing my contract, seeing as my job search was still underway. But I could’t postpone it any longer. The search has resulted in (almost all) failed offers. I had an offer for another postdoc, which I declined as it wasn’t what I wanted and it would have required a very major move for hon and moi. Later I found out the lab was less than ideal.
I’d talked to a couple of tweeps, and IRL friends and family about what to do … and this week I went to talk to my PI about extending my stay for a couple of months. We had one of the most honest and open conversations (we were talking for 2 hours non-stop, and had several people come and go while we discussed things). It was amazing … but still it couldn’t make up for the fact that a) the lab is not my cup of tea, and b) boss is really not up to renewing my contract. Boss said that he tought I’d have a new job by now, and since he knows the lab is not my cup of tea, there’s no reason to extend my stay beyong my contract. I failed to mention to the boss that I’d only need to stay a couple of months while I continued searching … but decided not to pursue this, as his decision was made.
Long story short, I’m out of work by mid-June and nothing is concrete on the new job front. That’s part of the reason I’ve been silent here, and have not shared any news of updates. There haven’t been any. No other interviews are lined up, although I keep applying to as many jobs as I possibly can everyday, in the hopes that something will stick … preferably where I don’t need the boss’s letter of recommendation, or in the States, where I don’t need to worry about a job permit and those things.
That’s it. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching and job searching and trying not to think too much about what this means. In a way I feel a bit of relief. I know I have an end date. But I also feel a bit despair, as I need to pay my bills and I have no cushion or emergency fund to help me after my last check. This means that I will also lose provincial healthcare, which means that I’m hoping I don’t get sick and need serious treatment.
Those are the latest news. Please, don’t worry. I’m sure something will come up …. and I am not hoping (or wanting) condolences or sorrys or pats on the shoulder. I will be fine …. eventually. I knew this was a real possibility, had done some mental preparation for this moment. I don’t think I’m in denial and now that it’s here I am working on processing things and enjoying the little time I have left with my lab peeps. I’ll start packing up soon.
Thanks for your tips and insight during the job search and everything. I really appreciate it.
And to celebrate, I just spent 70$ on clothes and food I can’t afford. Hooray!