Some things to do now that you’re getting ready for the grad school interview … Part 3

In the previous post , I mentioned some aspects to take into consideration when you start looking for, narrowing down and applying to grad school. I’m not sure how similar is this process in your country (if you’re not form the US)  to the process in the States (where I went to school), but if you want to share info on how it is in your country, please drop a line in the comment section, or if you have a blog, feel free to do trackback (if you’re on wordpress).

Anyways, so say that you’ve completed the application process, you asked for really kick-butt letters of recommendation, you’ve gone online and submitted everything you need, asked for transfers at school, taken the GRE … in other words, everything you needed do is done, and all there is now is to hope (and pray if you feel so inclined .. I did .. every-single-day) in order for all the documents, information, forms, you name it, to reach the grad school(s) of your dreams.

The waiting period starts.

Depending on when you apply (usually the earlier you do the sonner the offers for interview or even acceptance start to come) you may get a response within a few days (like for the school I went to, which invited me for an interview within 14 days or so of getting my complete app. packet) or my other option, a lovely state school in which I did a summer internship (the recruiting officer called me at home, and talked to my mom and my (then) boyfriend). Other schools might take their time. And yet others may not reply until you think the time is up (I had this friend who went to an Ivy League school and she got the call about 2 weeks after the due date for answering was past … the school invited her for an interview and didn’t give an answer (positive or negative) until the second week of May of that year ….. she’d already replied to another school to which she had to go through the process of telling them she’d been accepted at her dream school and was not going after all to her 1st response school … those details are unknown to me, but this DOES happen more ofter than you think). So, usually the sooner you send in all your materials, the better (in my opinion) the chances of being called for an interview. Here are a few things to take into account:

1. Be courteous at all times. You may think some “low-level” secretary is contacting you, when in fact the recruiting officers are very likely to first get in touch with you, then “pass” you on to the personnel in charge of making hotel and transportation arrangements. That said, be nice and courteous to every single person you come in contact with, say your good mornings, thanks, etc … be patient and polite above all. This will earn you cookie points, and might even help you get noticed form the rest of the crowd.
2. You might need to pay for a few things beforehand (I bought my ticket and other transport thingies) … so KEEP ALL the receipts (and make sure there’s enough money left in your credit card). While I was told some things would not be refunded, in the end I was refunded for everything, from the plane ticket, to the shuttle service, meals, etc … Hotel arrangements were made by the grad school, thus my pennies were not spent there. Make sure to keep all your receipts, whether in hard copies, or electronically.
3. Be sure to read beforehand and be well versed about your past research experiences. I did 2 summer internships prior to starting in grad school. I thought I remembered everything, since I was only 21 at the time and I thought my mind would not fail like those of “ancient” grad students …. thank goodness I read abstracts and other materials to freshen up my head …. the interviewers will more than likely ask you about your prior research experience(s) .. thus you earn points if you can intelligently and succinctly talk about previous projects, accomplishments, experiences. If you are interviewing with a collegue of one of your (soon to be former) mentor(s) be sure to acknowledge that opportunity by being as ready as you can. All these things can make a small but tangible difference, and might help you to get a position in the school/department of your dreams.
4. Do not bad mouth people … especially PI’s …. you never know who or how others get to know and interact with each other, so badmouthing is a definite no-no. This is not grade school, this is a step forward into adulthood. Having that sort of attitude (even if the PI or personnel at the previous school are a-holes) will take points off quickly. Remember that above all, the results from the interview will impact whether you get an offer from just your safety school, or from your safety school AND your dream school.
5. Do your research in terms of getting to know your interviewers. This is something I didn’t do. I didn’t know you could ask who would be interviewing you so you could get that info beforehand and have ammo to ask potential PI’s what their projects or interests were …. This is particularly important if you are interviewing with someone who is very high profile in your field(s) of interest and has open positions for grad students. Luckily I have a bit of charm, so I quicky picked up on what the group of students in my interview section was dicussing about the interviewers and I phrased my questions so that it would not appear as if I was completely ignorant about what their research was about (though I was).
6. Improvise cleverly … this relates to the previous point. Sometimes your interview might be in the office of a particular faculty person, or maybe it’s drinking coffee at a cafe ….. if it’s the first case, then quickly glance around the office or lab space, pick up a couple of words from the titles and phrase your questions in a manner that the (potential) PI can describe his/her work. This may help you stand out from the rest of the interviewees.
7. Do not get drunk or high … ’nuff said. 
8. Select your clothes carefully and make sure everything is clean. The worst thing is when someone stinks, even if they are nice, looking and beign clean adds an extra level of respect. And it’s easy to have stinky clothes without even noticing it (when you live in a dorm with a roomate who cooks all sorts of stinky food, or forgets to take out last week’s pizza and now everything smells like last years yogurt … ewwww). So do your homework, do your laundry, get some febreeze, and iron things if needed prior to the interview. If you know you sweat extra hard when you’re nervious, maybe a super strength deodorant can help, or an extra pair of socks. For us ladies, you know that mother nature is crazy, so plan accordingly even if you had your monthly visit a week ago.
9. Keep all the necessary documents (addresses, reservations, phone numbers, contact info) in a separate folder or place and carry it with you everywhere you go. Even if your luggage was lost by some incompetent idiot, having those documents at hand will save you some of the grief, a lot of time (especially if this is one of the first times your traveling all alone) and may show your interviewers that you are genuinly interested in them, and you are respectful of their time. It shows you are taking things seriously by keeping a close eye on those types of documents.
10. Arrange for extra careful people to take good notes if you need to take several days off from school to go to the interview(s).
11. Remember to talk to your professors and instructors to let them know when you’ll be out. Wouldn’t it be terrible if you had to go through wayyy too many hoops because you forgot to tell them in advance so they knew you weren’t just blowing off the class, or goofing off.
12. Turn your cell phone off. Not only will the beeps or “pimp-y” notes will throw you off, but it may be percieved by your interviewer as you not being sufficiently interested (and respectful) to turn off all of the outside noise and pay attention to them, who could very well impact your future in more than one way.
13. Carry enough money to pay for things like food, or cover tips, etc …. you never know when ATMs will be all crazy and without service, so be prepared accordingly.

Like I mentioned earlier, these are just some of the aspects to consider while preparing and going for the interview(s) at your potential grad school. Be confident, be careful, be kind and above all …. be respectful. I’m sure you will do great.

Good luck!

Next up are some things to take into consideration once you’ve got offers and once it’s time to move. The final part will be on what to expect on your first weeks and some bits of wisdom I acquired through the years.

Some things to know PRIOR to starting in grad school – Part 2

So … continuing with the series of things you may want to consider prior the beginning of the fabulous years in grad school, today I’ll mention some of the things to consider once you’ve narrowed down the list of places to apply.

Let’s say that after considering 20 or 30 schools to apply for grad school, you’ve narrowed it down to a manageable list of 6-10 schools (I applied to 6-7 so this is a reference point … more or less schools depend on your personal preference). Back in 2002-2003 when I started the application process I was a senior in college. It was c-r-a-z-y busy as I had several classes to take each semester. I also had to travel to a few conferences, and adding to that the fact that I needed to travel even more for interviews made the whole process very stressful. I know how hard it is to juggle all these factors and keep your head above water … but it’s doable … especially the earlier you start. Back in ‘02-’03 some applications I had were due in January, some even in February …. but that doesn’t mean you can’t send things earlier. In fact, I was close to one of the recruitment ladies at my old school, so after a couple of years in my PhD program I learned a few things … like … the early bird gets the worm. So, with that said, here are some of my recommendations:

1. As I mentioned a few sentences ago … start early. A good time to start reviewing and composing essays, CV’s and other documents is probably after midterms. I know, you’re all drained and stuff, but a few days after taking the midterm … maybe over a weekend, sit down and check the sites of the schools you are interested in. Possibly make a list of deadlines, number of letters of recommendation needed, types of documents, and possibly scores and tests (like the GRE) needed to at least be considered. The deadlines are important, as they serve to set a timetable and stick to it so your apps will be turned in on time. Because I had done research both at home and in schools abroad, I took the liberty to ask those professors (at both places) for letters …. with enough time. Remember, they are busy …. especially if they have a lab, a family, lectures, trips and all. You can ask them to have the letters written or mailed when you send in your app … and it’s Ok to have the letters and your app packet reach the school on different dates (though, always check, as some places might be pickier than others).
2. Statement of purpose. OMG …. I hated this part, mainly because you have to be original and rise and shine above possibly thousands to be considered at high profile schools. Some schools give you the freedom to write it in whatever way, as long as it’s not too long, cohesive and succinct. I wrote mine based on how friends that had gone before me write theirs. I wrote about some early experiences with science, how I envisioned myself in the future and the impact I was interested in making. Other schools (like some Ivy League ones I applied to) give you a “form” which you need to use to fill out the purpose part. They are interested in what you have to say, and trust me … people will read them, so try to be unique, to have and edge (without being too edgy).
3. Check and double check the address at which you’ll send you forms and which other professors that mail their letters will send them.
4. If you are asked to mail in forms, besides filling info online, send them with enough time, and always ask for either a tracking number or some sort of receipt for the transaction. The last thing you want is to not have evidence of mailing in your materials.
5. Keep hard and soft copies of the materials in case something is missing, or you totally forgot to mail something … it will save you time, tears and fears.
6. If you can fill out the application electronically, do it when you are relaxed, preferably at home and with a secure internet connection.
7. Some schools will ask who you might like to work, so research, research, and do more research. If you have narrowed down the area(s) of interest and you are asked to provide names, that might earn you brownie points for being prepared. If on the contrary, you are applying to an interdisciplinary program you might be asked to provide the name(s) of the department(s) you find most appealing. I entered an interdisciplinary program and I still had to provide info as to what departments were most appealing to me.
8. Follow up. Email or call the people in charge of receiving/reviewing apps to check that your documents are in order and reached them. I was lucky enough to get online receipts at each step of the way, but it’s possible the school you apply to may not work the same.
9. If in doubt, ask questions.

In the next installment I’ll write about the interview part. Remember, if you want to ask a question, say hello or something similar, feel free to email me @ stitchick [at] gmail [dot] com …. I’ve written the address like that to prevent junk from reaching me. Good luck

 

Some things to do PRIOR to your start in grad school – Part 1

Continuing with series of entries inspired by the search themes that lead people to this blog, this entry deals with a couple of things you would probably like to consider prior to the start of you PhD (may possibly apply to doing any kind of degree after your university degree/diploma). My previous entry dealt with “crazy thing to do AFTER completing your PhD“.

This discussion is not meant to be super extensive. I, by no means, am an autority on relocation issues or super extensive to-do lists, but having moved from a decent-sized city in the South of the US to Canada gives me some insight into the whole application, relocation, etc processes.

Before I started in grad school these were some of the aspects I considered:

1. Created a list of possible places you’d like to apply for grad school. Do not look at ranks only… check blogs, email people, visit sites and if possible drive up to the place(s) and check out your surroundings. The school I did my PhD at does a fall undergrad open house for any student within 50-100 miles away from school that might be interested in pursuing a degree at that institution (they pay or reimburse students for the expense, so if your unsure of how the process of applying to grad school is, or what topics are the “hottest” at a particular institution, look for open houses). I mentioned the not to pay attention just to the rankings because a school might be #1 in a certain program that you like and may end up not having the specific project (s) or emphasis of that attract you (no, a degree from an Ivy League school in a topic or department you hate is NOT the best thing to do), or may be a hell-hole or any other number of things. I’m not advising that you should completely ignore those rankings, they are there for a reason, but you should also pay attention to quality of life, outdoor activities, proximity to places/cities/etc of interest. Pay attention to what you do or would like to do in your free time, and then look to see if the university or city offer it. I have several friends who ended up quitting their programs at SUPER well known schools because they hated the location. If you like museums, or photography a place like Chicago or NY might be more appealing than a tiny school in the deep south … just sayin’.
2. I knew I would not like to spend thousands of dollars applying to schools. Some schools waive the costs of applications if done online. The school I ended up going has been waiving application fees since probably around 2002 … while schools like Yale or Harvard used to ask (I currently don’t know if they waive app fees) upwards of 70$. Therefore, in the middle of the recession, it might be better to first consider schoold that waive costs of applications, etc. Now, you might still need to express mail some other documents, but if you are budget conscious, free app places are a first place to look. This info is listed on the sites. Alternatively, if you are like a guy I used to date, he went to the grad school office he was doing a summer internship and asked for a waiver. Schools do have waivers, all you need to do is ask, so if you have this advantage, use it.
3. You will need to set up things like a bank account (if you currently have one with a bank that’s totally unknown at the place where you’ll be going), cable, internet, electricity, and other services. Add all those costs and see how much money you would usually spend in a month. Candid blogs like mine have mentioned the cost of living as a grad student and now as a postdoc, so that’s another avenue for finding out such info. Ask students or visit sites to get informed about costs of living and plan, plan and plan how to properly budget your money (if you don’t have a clue Dave Ramsey’s site is a good starting place). My advice is always to try and plan and find out as much info as you can, that way you might end up having less pleasant cost “surprises” that if you just went uninformed.
4. Check out transportation options. I bought my car on the 3rd month of being in the new place since moving about the city I lived in for 6 years was especially difficult for walkers. Check out public transport sites, costs, etc. Some schools might have passes for grad students. Check distances to places like grocery stores, pharmacies, etc and estimate if public transport is an option. Otherwise you might need to consider carpooling, or buying a car .. if you don’t have one already.
5. If possible … avoid at ALL costs getting into debt. It sucks to be a 1st year grad student, I know. Money is often tight, you might be in a completely different city from the one you did your undergrad, you might feel all alone and it’s tempting to try and get a place of furnished and pretty FAST. But trust me, if you are debt free by the time you’re out of college, try to stay on that track. That way more more can be spent eating a nicer places and avoiding the 33 cent Ramen noodle diet. Used furniture is a smart option to try and start furnishing your place. Warehouses and factory stores for furnishings are another option.
6. Because of # 5, I’d say try to put as many pennies into a savings account, or an envelope PRIOR to starting grad school. By the end of my senior year in college I had saved ~3000 USDs, which were quickly drained by books, rent, deposits here and there and getting some furniture (bed, mattress, table and a TV). All those things and more add up in the end, causing a major dent to your pocket.
7. Take the appropriate exams, like the GRE … and if you are not a native speaker, you might need to provide the school with a TOEFL, or similar language proficiency test/proof.

Like I said, those are some of the things to take into account. In the next installment, I’ll discuss some things to take into account during and after the application and interview process. Part 3 will be dedicated to discussing some of the things you may need to take into account after accepting an offer and moving to the place where you’ll end up getting your degree.

******** I claim no financial gain or authorship of the images included in this post. I used them to help illustrate some of the points I mention in this entry. But, if you like them, please visit PhDcomics.com … the site is AWESOME!

Post in one of my fave blogs

Peeps of the Interwebs, amigos todos …. one of my girl crushes fave-awesome-totally-wicked bloggers invited her readers to share their worst dating stories … for reals peeps. I decided to share my tale from hell and she featured it today. Go over to The Naked Redhead (nope, absolutely NO porn) and check it out!

While you’re there, feel free to explore her blog and read up on the other horror stories!!!! Each and everyone of them is SO awesome, incredible and hilarious … or creepy … you just can’t have enough. Enjoy!

Depression, PMDD and grad school

We all know that being in grad school is not the easiest experience … ever. You cram for hours for exams, try to remember equations or theories, think of creative ways to solve a problem, TA, and do research on top of it all. If you add to this formula depression and/or PMDD …. you’ve got a great amount of disaster on your hands.

Let me elaborate. For those who may not be familiar with the term, there is a disorder (that some may call bitchiness of epic proportions) that affects women prior to having a visit of Aunt Flo. This disorder is a serious form of premenstrual syndrome known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It is characterized by feelings of desperation, maybe even thoughts of suicide, boobie tenderness, “bitchiness”, depression, tremendous fatigue, among others. Various pills and drugs are on the market from PMDD, from birth control ones to depression ones. Drug companies have targeted sufferers of PMDD and there are all sorts of ads on the subject.

I suffer from PMDD. I know how it feels to have it, to live with it, and how anti-depressants have helped to achieve a somewhat “peaceful” state of mind where I could continue doing my studies and have a “normal” relationship with the boyfriend, the boss and coworkers.

I got my first period when I was really … REALLY young. I was not prepared for it, I freaked out, and I thought I’d die … not really, but let’s just say it was a traumatic experience, made possible in part due to unhealthy amounts of guilt provided by a conservative set of parents who didn’t know how to talk about puberty (after many years I think that it all happened because I am the first child, thus I was more or less their guinea pig, and they had no “training” in dealing with their first-born becoming an adolescent). Anyways, after I got my pads, and things and stuff, I started reading more on the subject, and the biology of the process. I also picked up older copies of Cosmo at my doctor’s office and read about PMS and averting your period and what not. I thought PMS was just a lame excuse to be bitchy, miss work, and that only weak and overly dramatic gals got it.

At first I would not feel when the “P” day arrived. I started carrying pads and period-paraphernalia to cover my bases in case Aunt Flo’ appeared while I was at school. As the years went on, painful “P” days started appearing, and high doses of acetaminophen and heating pads came to my rescue. College was fine, boobie tenderness and such happened, but it wasn’t until I got into grad school that things took a really bad turn.

I started cramping pretty bad during my second year of grad school. I could not touch my chest because it felt like the boobs were about to explode (I seriously thought of not drinking anything so liquid would not retained by my body and take diuretics to help me eliminate whatever liquid was left … but I’m too chicken for that). I also started noticing that 1-2 weeks before “P” day, I was extremely tired (sometimes even sick, like my immune system was all down or something because I was getting my period), I could not stay awake in the lab (even if I’d gone to bed at 10pm the previous night and had woken up at 9:30am the next day) and my mood was pretty bad (like Lucifer himself had possessed my brain for a few days, it was like lakes of sulfur were flowing through my veins). I would cry for no reason, but most of the time I’d be in a really foul mood. I couldn’t understand what was happening. Suddenly “P” days started to become as “happy days” because I’d be happy, not bloated and the world would return to its normal order one the first 2 “P” days were over. It was as if 2 weeks prior to the “P” day a catastrophe switch turned on inside and everything was screwed up until my period.

Before the BF and I started dating I remember going to the student health clinic at my school to see if they had a non-NSAID that would help me during “P” days. I described to the doctors and nurses my symptoms, and they suggested I try taking birth control pills. I had a bit of acne, so I though, “cool, 2 for 1, now both acne and nasty PMS will suck it!” But because I’m so special and awesome, and mother nature likes to remind me that biology is complicated, the birth control pills were a nightmare. Not only did I gain weight, but though my periods were shortened, they were still UBER painful and the PMS was still as nasty.

When I started dating the BF we had various nasty fights. Add to that the fact that my parents were not the sort of people who believed in psychiatrists or psychologists, thus it never occurred to me to approach one at my old school and see what was happening. When the foul mood and increase in tardiness at my lab started getting out of control (and the time of the qualifying exam was approaching), I knew I HAD to do something. I thought I was going crazy!!!!!!!! I was on the verge of losing the boyfriend, losing myself in this emotional roller coaster, and maybe even stop my grad studies.

I started getting therapy at school with a really nice postdoctoral psych. fellow, and she recommended I go and see at psychiatrist at school. I was all like “whoa, am I crazy?” I told her that to me medication seemed too drastic, and that it meant that I was weak, that I was not strong enough to pull through this “situation.”

Reluctantly I visited the psychiatrist and I started taking a drug called Escitalopram. I started taking it, and my mood improved like 1,000%. I felt like myself again …. until I started paying the more than 70$ each month for it (that was as much as I was paying for car insurance). I stopped taking it (and getting all bitchy). It sent me into a bitchy downward spiral … so I changed doctors (the first one was more of a murse). Thank GOD I did that. They new doctor was extremely nice, took the time to really ask me questions, listen to my answers and was super willing to talk about options, side effects, etc.

I ended up trying about 3 different drugs, including one that made me contemplate committing suicide a few times a DAY (the same drug that has a movie with its name on it, and a book, and such). Finally we settled on sertraline …. and though I do not feel as fantastic as with the first (expensive) medicine, this one acts as an Ok “equivalent.”

Looking back I can see the signs and symptoms of having this syndrome, and thinking it was all normal. It seemed all normal to me, because I knew no better, because I was taught that medical or chemical intervention are reserved for extreme cases, and the chemical ways are for the weak. My guess is that the more I learned about physiology, how our bodies and brains are supposed to work and not, I was more convinced that I needed help overcoming these symptoms and this state where my mind was running at 1000 rmps at some points, while at others I was too tired to even think.

I guess I also was mildly depressed, thus the medicine helped that too. I have never taken more than 2 months off from school for vacation. In fact, since I finished college I haven’t had more than 3 weeks of continuous vacay time. The pressure to excel at times seemed too much and what you think is “normal” or just due to stress might be somthing more serious. My only piece of advice is that if something does not feel right, go and see a specialist. Look for opinions, don’t just talk to one doctor, or one friend. Read, think, contemplate and decide which route you want to take.

I hope that once I get my second medical insurance (Oh Canada, how much I love you) I can find the generic form of that other medicine I took first and maybe try it again … but I have to be careful, I don’t want to mess up my system by changing medicines all crazy, all of a sudden. My symptoms are still there, but attenuated …. so I can manage now.

Crazy things to do after finishing your phd

Since I get a laugh or two when I find out how people have landed in my blog …. I’ve decided to write a few posts inspired by such search terms. The first of such posts was on my salary, which I have no trouble talking about as you can see.

The newest search term that caused me to laugh (in a funny ha-ha, that’s cool kinda way) is the one that serves as title for this post. Thus, let me indulge the random, the curious, the ever funny peeps of the Internetz that visit my site, be it via Nature Blogs, or random search terms. Ha!

Ok, I will start by telling you about what I did after finishing my defense. I went with my mom and the BF to the school’s cafeteria and got myself a slice of pizza. My defense was at 10am, and right after I met with my thesis committee who grilled tested me about my thesis, both the written and oral parts. I was so hungry! My mom and the BF had all my belonging, thus I couldn’t get a coke or something sugary to get my glucose back to normal after so much stress. I don’t even remember if I had something for breakfast.

After the reception to celebrate moi, my mom, BF and I headed home to rest. I think I slept better than any other time because I was done, there were corrections to add, but I was DONE! No more experiments, nothing.

I have to recognize that I did a couple of “crazy” things while in grad school. I dated a postdoc, had a one night stand, got a tattoo, survived a horrific crash, got a piercing, got into debt, got drunk in 30 minutes, drove at more than 100 mph after a nasty breakup, got into a long distance relationship (that worked) even though I swore I’d never do it again. All those things and more I did while in grad school. Some I regret, others made my life a lot more fun.

If I could got back maybe I’d get the tattoo after finishing the whole thing, but it’s ok. My point is, sometimes we want to wait up to something big to say “hey, once I achieve this goal or point, I’ll do it.” Other than the part of getting in debt, I’d probably do all those things again, some of them sooner. But I don’t think you should wait to get off the beaten path and do something that you’ve always wanted to do, just because you want to have your degree and postpone whatever that goal is.

Even if you decide to do your “crazy” thing or things after, just take a moment to reflect, to breath the freash air that comes with adventure. Always be cautious, you don’t want to get yourself in trouble. So, here are a couple of things I would have done after finishing my degree:

1. If you’re nerd like me, you’ve probably had the same haircut for a long, loooong time (try 10 years in my case). Go get a different haircut. I think it’s a liberating experience if you can let go of your hair. I remember that a few months after my break up, I got bangs. I hated them at first because I looked even nerdier, but I decided to go with it because my ex hated them. Well, not hated, hated, but he said he couldn’t imagine me having bangs. With a big smile and a HUGE desire to say “f*ck YOU” I got them. Once they started growing and getting longer I looked so cool. I love them … and still have them.
2. Get a tattoo. If you’ve always dreamed of getting one, finishing your PhD is a great reason to go for it. I got it as sort of a survival thing 3 years after my accident. I love it. I may regret it when I’m 60, old and saggy, but for now, I’m enjoying being a nerdy badass.
3. Go backpacking. Gosh, I wish I’d done this one. I have traveled … a LOT, especially with the BF. But I would have loved to just go with the flow, pack a few things, get a couple of bucks and lose myself in Spain or Italy. I guess I got inspired by a movie (and a college classmate who did it). Top me it’s more of a follow your heart kinda thing, so if you feel like taking some “risk”, parasailing, walking butt naked somewhere (or going to a nude beach). Whatever it it, go for it.
4. Get out of debt, or at least build a plan to help you get out. It may seem a bit crazy for some, but getting out of debt (if you into it) should be at the top of your list. Trust me, now that I’m a postdoc and have no worries, like kids, I’d love to travel more, especially within Canada. It would be possible to do it, if I didn’t have almost 1/3 of my income going into recovering from debt.
5. Move somewhere exotic. Nuff said.
6. Leave science or whatever your field is. I don’t know much about you, but sometimes I dream I’m doing something completely opposite of what I currently do. Like being a singer, or an artist. I sort of feel a bit tied down by the routine, but if you ever second guess your choice, and you know you’re awesome at something other than your field of study, go for it.

Well, I could probably add many more things to the list. This is just meant to give you some sort of inspiration. Let you know that you’re not alone.

Now that you’re done, feel free to do whatever you want. Your years of being tied down to tubes and buffers are over (if only for a few weeks), so give yourself the freedom to do as you feel. And most of all, enjoy it

I failed my PhD exam … and I still obtained my degree

A big stepping stone while doing your PhD is the time when you change your “status” from being simply known as a grad student, to becoming a PhD trainee (at least it was like that at the school I went to). To achieve that glorious state meant that you had successfully gone through the qualifying exam(s) period, and essentially, your last examination would be your thesis defense. Quals, or comps (comprehensive exams) were the big thing. And I mean BIG … you heard stories about X or Y department, that had the worst reputation, or Prof. W, who’s an ass would invariably be in your examination committee, and finally those people, those students who nobody knows why, but they failed, were kicked out and never heard of again.

Well …. I’m sort of and not one of those. I failed my qualifying exam, as the title clearly states. I had a second chance to take it, and passed it with flying colors, but it was not easy …. thus, here I share my story, and some of the things I learned from that process.

Some aspects of quals remain similar across higher ed institutions. I’ve heard of people who need to read X amount of articles or books, then write long essays to answer questions on the topics they read. My guess is that this would be a more traditional approach to taking the quals. In my case the department in which I did the PhD did things differently. You had to find a topic, similar (but not identical) to something that was being done by your group, then write and defend a proposal in front of a committee. To me it was similar to presenting your thesis project’s proposal, but you didn’t have the “freedom” or input in choosing the members of your exam committee or being helped by you PI.

People, I tell you …. it was HARD. Now, one problem in my field (biochem/biophysics) is that not all the research starts from a traditional hypothesis. Yes, indeed we formulated hypotheses, once we investigated/determined structures of the biological complexes we studied. But because my former department had mostly “traditional” labs, I had to follow the majority, and do a hypothesis driven proposal, not based on determining structures first, then hypothesizing.

The first complicating factor for me was choosing a topic. I went through probably 50 scientific papers before narrowing it down to 1 specific topic. Secondly, I could not have any input from my PhD mentor, thus asking any kind of question (for instance, does this make for a sound project, or am I too ambitious?) was not allowed. Thirdly, you only had 1 month to write the proposal, and after handing it, you could be examined almost immediately. Lucky me …. I took the exam just a couple of days after handing the proposal. I was FREAKING out.

The way my qual worked out was that I stood in front of the examination committee for 2 hours, answering questions about any and all possible things that could be said about the topic. I killed the biological questions (after all, my college degree was in biology, I should have been able to ace something), but when the hardcore questions came, those that were based on extrapolating knowledge, and concepts, that was the killer for me. I could not answer those well, and for it I failed.

It. Was. Though. I mean, I felt like the most stupid, idiotic, worthless piece of crap. EVER. I was devastated. I cried, I felt like I did not want to show my face around the professors from my department. I was a failure, and that’s all they would remember about me. Utter failure. Also, I felt like I was bringing shame to my group.

I thought failing this exam would define me for the rest of my life, but alas! Life does not have to be that dramatic.

I realized that there were things, knowledge I lacked. Specifically the parts of formulating a hypothesis and writing the proposal. See, during my first year of grad school all I did was try to get answers to lab related questions … basically from my sleeve (I always thought that the questions I got were from PI’s that had those same questions and wanted to get a clever answer which they had failed to come up for years … but this is just pure speculation). I came directly to grad school from an undergrad program. I had no counseling regarding the big change that involves going from spitting out memorized facts, to sitting down, ANALIZING a problem (scientific) and attempt to give a sound answer in an orderly fashion just with scientific experiments.

I guess college is supposed to prepare you for that. And while you do lab work, you supposedly learn these tips, tricks and procedures. But I can honestly say that I went through my college experience without paying attention to that. All I was focused on was getting the highest grades possible, to get into a good medical or graduate program. It was never clear to me that the concepts and problems you learned in chemistry 101 would be useful some day, and could be applied to life in general. The only time I remember something like that happening was when I was taking Physics 2 and we had to solve a couple of problems using the soh-cah-toa method (good thing I remembered, I scored a 90+ in that one). Other than that, I felt like I was just memorizing facts, and nothing more.

I could go around blaming people for the things I didn’t learn in college, or how it seems like the system failed to prepare me for grad school. Ultimately, situations like failing your quals bring you back to the reality that you are in grad school, and like my PI from the PhD used to say, you’re here because you have the capacity to teach yourself , and then apply those concept to help answer scientific questions.

At this point, my boyfriend, who’d taken at least a gazillion classes related to methodology sat me down, helped me organize my tasks and checked that my hypothesis seemed sound (now, I must tell you, the BF does not work in the “hardcore” sciences, yet his knowledge of methodology was superb and he provided support and tools that were much needed at the time). Equipped with readings the BF provided and lots of patience, I reformulated my hypothesis, re-wrote the proposal and a month after failing my qual the 1st time, I took it again (with the same committee) and passed with flying colors.

It was my moment of glory. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. I don’t think I was this happy, not even when my committee approved my thesis and granted me degree after the defense.

The exam committee met with me, they said they were super proud and that it was beyond clear to them that I had taken the time, studied and put in the effort to make things clear, for me and for them, and for that I was worthy of passing.

All in all, I would not have it any other way. Whenever I tell this story I say it proudly, because my efforts (and a very patient and competent boyfriend) got me through the process. It is not the end of the world. And after all this, doing the research to complete the PhD seemed like a piece of cake. I can honestly say that I can probably teach myself many things, and that even if I didn’t learn some things in grad school or college, I can always look for a good book, sit down, teach myself and practice.

So there you have it. Do not feel discouraged. It is not the end of the world, and better times are ahead. Trust me … I am now a doctor

Postdoc salary … a very non-scientific comparison

My apologies for not writing sooner. I’ve been swamped with tasks in the lab, still getting organized, and now the BF and I are addicted to a really funny show called “Little Mosque on the Prairie.” Anyways, so while all that was happening I was logging in to check the blog, but not to write.

I noticed that some of the most common phrases typed by users (that ultimately land in the blog) are as follow: “postdoc salary”, ” 28 and a phd”, “post-doc salary”, “postdoc salary USA 2009.” As I mention in the title, this is a very unscientific comparison between my salary as a postdoc, and the one I had as a grad student. Bear in mind that I will not go into details such as comparing salaries between disciplines, geographic areas, etc. I just want to give you a clue as to where I am situated, which is probably more or less in the middle. Also, my PhD is in Biophysics, one of the fields I am currently working in.

Just yesterday I found the letter of acceptance to the graduate program I attended. I started there in the summer of 2003, and my starting compensation was 20,500 USD. My salary increased over the next 6 years to ~25K, gross amount, without taking too much money out for taxes and school fees. I went to a decent-sized school in the Bible Belt, which for undergrad education ranks pretty high and the pay seemed fair enough to live in that city. My gross monthly income was over 2,200 USD by the end of my years there, and usually between 130-150$ were taken out in taxes. My fixed expenses while in grad school were:

1. Rent -660-690$ (especially during my last year) for a 2BR apartment located ~ 15-20 mins away from school. It’s pretty expensive staying close to campus, but if you want to save gas and don’t mind walking or biking, it’s no biggie, and you probably end up even in terms of overall expenses between rent and transport.
2. Car – I bought a new car when I started. I was afraid I’d end up with a lemon, especially since I didn’t have my parents to help me look for a car. I had it a 2% interest with a well known brand and I paid ~290 USD/month.
3. Internet and cell. By the end of my career I had given up cable, so it was ~ 100 counting both. I got a small discount from the cell phone company through school.
4. Credit cards. ~600-700$ between the 3 of them … and they’re not paid off due to my laziness and irresponsibility.
5. Gas – ~60-100$. I filled up once a week and tried to do the maintenance work at the appropriate times.
6. Car and apartment insurance. Ended up costing ~110$.

That left me with a couple of hundred bucks to eat, dress, take care is misc. things and do groceries. I almost always eneded up short of cash. Again, due to my irresponsibility. Compared to what I remember were the salaries of some college classmates who’d gone to get their PhDs in California, Michigan, Texas or Jersey, I was being paid slightly more (except for Cali) and the quality of living was not bad.

Now as a postdoc I’m paid 37,000 CADs, split into 3100 CADs per month. In USDs that amount translates into roughly 25-28k, depending on how the loony is doing. As when I was in grad school, taxes are not taken out of my salary, therefore I *must* set aside close to 800 CADs per month, so when tax season comes, I won’t be even more choked up in debt.

My salary is roughly divided like this:

1. 500$ for rent (I live with the BF thus we contribute the same amount, live in an apartment that’s gorgeous, spaceous and is very quiet).
2. Credit cards – same as before, and because I’m trying to knock off some of that debt, I’m trying the debt snowball method.
3. Cell and internet – a little over 100$, but I don’t have the exact numbers for the internet yet.
4. Car insurance – (super expensive) ~230$ … OUCH!
5. There are probably one or two more things I’m forgetting, but like I said earlier, this is a very rough estimate, meant to give you a general idea of how money is split.

As you can see, because some of these expenses are shared between the BF and I, I end up with more money in my pocket, or roughly 1/3 of my salary if left in the end. I also pay for parking at school (30$/mo.) and health insurance (90$/mo.).

At my old school, depending on what your level of experience was, the staring salary of a postdoc was ~36k USD. In CADs that’s a lot more than what I am currently being paid, but the cost of living is lower here, and I did not qualify for any fellowships that might have complemented my salary or even bumped it a little bit.

I don’t know if other universities have a policy of showing the base levels for salaries, but my guess is that if they are government funded, more that likely you can check the site(s) of those agencies and see if what you’re being offered is fair and up to standards.

Good luck and I hope this might help you to situate and compare the cost of living and salaries of your current or future postdoc position.

———-Have a great weekend!

Unloading the truth … and feeling old

In previous posts I had mentioned that the BF didn’t know about my debts, how I got into debt, how I want to get out, how much, etc. Today the BF seemed a bit cold …. honestly, he felt a bit cold at times during the last couple of days. A few years back, while I was dating a college BF I remember getting that cold feeling along my spine, and bracing for a hundred thousand tears, and for an imminent breakup. I tell you, it was NOT fun. Feeling alone, breaking up with someone who’s been your best friend, your life, your everything for a few years hurts. And I am scared of feeling and being that hurt again … of not coming back from that kind of depression. That’s why, when the BF said we needed to talk I braced myself for the worst. And in a way, the best possible thing happened.

When I started writing here, a few months back, I vowed to be very honest about debt, finishing the PhD, etc. I’ve said how much I owe (23K), and how scared I am/was of people I know and love finding out about it. I didn’t want the BF to read the blog, especially those entries. But I realized that I needed to come clean. That if we were/are to have a future together we must come clean, unload our baggage and enlist each other’s help to overcome hardships.

Well, today was the day. I don’t know the exact details of how the BF got the idea, but I had been hinting about things and ways in which he could find out the name of this blog and such. And he did. I was so scared of letting him down, of showing him how irresponsible I’ve been. Of alienating him and going down a path without a way back.

We sat down, he started talking, he asked me about it …. and if felt almost as relieving as when you get the absolution of your sins by a priest (hey y’all, I’m a catholic, so this is the best example I could come up with). We talked about how and when it started, how it spiraled down and what I can do now to avoid making it worse. My worst fear was of a breakup, not only because we’ve been together for a long time, or for my fear of disappointing him, but because I had been and have been irresponsible, and in a way, I felt like I was cheating. He could not hide the sadness, but he offered his help in any way he could. Together we are coming up with ways to funnel money into the debt, and still living a decent life together. The best is yet to come, and the start of it seems good.

On a different side of life, today the undergrads started. I cannot help but wonder if I looked that young and fresh when I started college. I look at myself in the mirror now and feel kinda old and run down (it could very well be PMS-related). But anyhow, the kids just look like that, kids. I feel like I’m from a completely different world.

Seeing those undergrads walking around, some of them scared of the new environment, some of them over-confident, made me go back 10 years in time, to 1999 when I was an undergrad. I felt so scared, but in a way I also felt powerful. I remember cramming down for projects, exams, labs, etc. It was so very fun. Sometimes I feel pain in my heart, an ache for the times by gone. But I’m glad for all of it. FOR ALL, yes, even those undesirable professors (may they rest in peace), even the bad dates, the crazy hairdo’s, and the silly projects. They all helped me in my way to get a PhD. Here I am today, 10 years after first stepping in my school. Here I am, a victor, not a victim, still wanting to learn, to grow, to experience.

I got my paycheck …. spending money Part II

On my previous entry I went on and on about getting paid, and how my postdoctoral stipend would be split between debts and must-pays now that I’ve moved.

I think I mentioned that I finally opened a bank account in Canada. It ONLY took me like 3-4 weeks. It’s the very first thing it says you should do in the new postdoc arrival manual/document you get but I kept postponing it, always saying I had no time. Anyways, so that was done, and like I said before, I would need to split the money into 3 big areas 1) old debts I dragged on while in grad school (an unnecesary thing, since I was being paid relatively well, but I went over some of the isues that helped my overspending), 2) new debts and responsibilities (like rent and car insurance, to mention just a few), and 3) save some of the stipend to cover next years’ tax filing season, since a good portion is NOT taken out of my monthly stipend, I *must* try and save some money so I won’t be caught by surprise by the thousands of $ I need to pay Canada Revenue (I know this because a) my BF has to go through this and he’s been here for a while, and b) another postdoc in my lab asks me questions about how/if I’ve set things up .. I kind of think of him as a big brother).

I decided that since I have to figure a way to pay my debts and get used to the system up here in Canada, I would only take a small portion of August’s pay and move it to savings, while leaving a good portion to cover the remaining debts and unfinished business after the move. Next month I should start adding the ~25% of my paycheck that will more than likely go into the taxes for next year. I have some experience on this, since when I was in the States I was funded by a training grant and nothing was taken out of my paycheck. After learning how to file the 1040, I estimated that ~1800 bucks should have been taken out through the whole period I was covered. Since I though I was super rich (due to a small settlement) and I was invincible (due to my own stupidity) I had to dip into my settlement money to cover those ~2K during tax season. IT HURTED PEOPLE.

I have a super dutiful and responsible BF (at least with money … hell, with pretty much everything), I’m going to let him check out my chequing and savings accounts to monitor the progress while saving money for next year’s tax season. I won’t grant him direct access (by means of username and password) to my account, but I will ask him to ask me to show him my account every week so he can keep an eye on how’s my spending and saving going. I hope that next year, in April I’ll be pleasantly surprised when I don’t have to use a credit card to cover my tax payment. And from what I’ve heard, I may even see some of it back!! But I’d rather be conservative on this issue and just not expect anything from the government.

I got my paycheck yesterday, and in just a few hours, 1000$ …. yes people, one thousand dollars, had disappeared. You might ask how. Well, I asked to money orders to cover the minimum payment of 2 CC’s. I’ll cover the other one by using the little money that’s left on my US bank account. The money orders were ~7$ each … a bit on the expensive side (but then again, Canada seems super expensive to a newly minted PhD who used to shop at Walmart for groceries and just about everything). The exchange rate was a bit brutal (not too bad), but for a money order in USD of ~150$, I ended up paying ~180 CADs … yes people, that is 30 extra bucks for being irresponsible while using credit cards. I tell you, when I get out of these debts, I will have a plastectomy and for sure that will be the very best day of my life (a decent close enough time is my thesis defense). The rest of the money went to savings, paying the BF for covering the remainder of the rent at the new place (~200$).

All this brings me to a buzz article I just read on Yahoo! http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92967?fp=1. It’s about this British young woman who squandered the money coming from winning the lottery. She says she now has only 32K out of more than 1 million dollars. She spent the money on frivolous things like a boob-job and drugs, parties and designer clothes. It all brings back some really painful memories of the times I spent at the mall, avoiding getting ready for the qualifying exam while getting new (and rather uncomfortable) Nine West boots. I think back of the great chance I had of getting rid of debt and I didn’t do it. I should be left with >1500$ a month after taxes and rent and the usual spending, I should be saving to have the wedding of my dreams (if that ever happens), but more importantly, I should be saving to enjoy the fruits of my labour, to save for retirement now that I’m still young, to make sure than 30-40 years for now I have access to a decent quality of life, and I don’t end up like some of the old people who used to greet me at my local Walmart while in the States … they had to work to basically eat and get some sort of health coverage. I should also be able to buy what I want, cash, without incurring in debt. I should be able to plan for a good vacay that lets me focus on relaxing and learning, and taking pics, not worrying about what happens if I don’t get a good review next year and my contract is not renewed.

Please people, learn and apply that knowledge while you’re still young. I just turned 28 two months ago, yet I feel like I’m drowning in debt … all because of my irresponsibility.

On a final note, I’ve started doing experiments. I work in a lab that does research associated with a very serious neurological disorder (a topic I avoided like a plague while in grad school) …. thankfully I don’t need to work directly with neurons or rats, mice or anything that nasty, and I’ll be doing a lot of biochemistry (the main reason I took the job) and a different kind of structural biology (the second reason I chose the lab/job). I’ll update later on how my biochemical and microbiological skills are coming along, but for now, I’m pretty happy and satisfied with what I’m doing.

I must go now to get some shut eye for tomorrow’s experiments. I’ll update more later this month on how the spending is going and whether all my money orders made it safely and timely to the other side of the border.

Nighty-night.