What do you regret the most about your PhD

That’s a great search term. Thanks to whoever plugged it on the search engine from WordPress and got to my blog. Thinking about it, there are many things I regret about doing my PhD. I guess the most sensible way of listing them is by dividing the answer in 2 groups, personal reasons and professional or school related reasons:

Personal ones:

1. I regret not breaking up with a BF I had when I started grad school. We were  tons of miles away, the magic and love fizzled. I’m not saying all people in a long distance relationship AND in grad school need to break up with their significant other. But in my case it should have been the most sensible thing to do and I could have invested more time studying, instead of shedding tears for a lost love.
2. Not going on vacay more often. Nuff said. Breaks just help pump up my aspirations toward reaching a goal sooner. I did went to Europe and Canada, and I visited home many, many times, but I had friends who went to all sorts of awesome places, for vacation (and sometimes work). I wish I could have done more.
3. Not saving enough  money while I could. I’ve written about making stupid money mistakes here. Needless to say, once you leave grad school you shouldn’t carry humongous amounts of debt … especially because unless you get a kick ass fellowship, or get a postdoc in industry, you won’t start earning tons of money right away … or ever!
4. Not getting treatment sooner for PMDD … or switching doctors sooner so I could get the proper treatment (medically and personally speaking).
5. I wish I had discovered borrowed books and public libraries sooner. See, where I grew up I was always afraid of using the public library, not because there were sketchy characters, but because again, I felt like an incompetent. I loved roaming around, unnoticed and checking pictures of the weirdest african or egyptian rituals …. but I was useless when it came to looking for info and finding books I needed. In my last year in grad school I discovered that the school’s main library could be an immense source of awesomeness, in the form of audiobooks which I could get out and listen to when I was in front of the PC for hours on end trying to process data. This became especially great towards the end where I read some pretty nice books by one of my fave authors, Mary Higgins Clark.

Professional ones:

1. Not networking enough. This is one of the most crucial things to do in grad school … or any job or market post undergrad. The people you know and the relationships you form, might (hopefully in some good way) influence where you land your first real job. Networking is one of the beauties of grad school (or any school) and progressing in life (professionally speaking) might be extremely influenced by who you know, who’s around you, and who can put a good word in for you.
2. Not putting my foot down when the boss said there wasn’t enough money to send me to a conference or workshop, even when a postdoc in my lab went to Asia for a conference. I was sent to ONE conference.  In almost 6 years … one stinky conference. I should have been more proactive towards meeting people in my discipline and showing off my scientific glitz.
3. Not getting out sooner. I spent too much time in, because I thought that that’s what people do, and I was too scared to finish because the world seemed like such an open place after spending MUCH time behind close doors and fluorescent lights. I was also afraid of doing science elsewhere and letting people see my scientific weaknesses …. such as the type of calculations I never did and never even learned and how I couldn’t calculate the most stupid things in the lab.
4. Not “defying” my labs “policy” on not teaching. I love teaching, I love talking to people, I love interacting and showing people how to do things, so I could have sneaked out a bit more often just so I could get that experience.
5. Not learning to code more while I had the chance.
6. Not knowing enough of one specific thing. I know that it sounds stupid, but I have friends who are GREAT at something, like coding, or repairing machines, or are biochem gurus … I’m none of those. I’m good uncovering old and “unknown” scientific papers … but not great. I’m good with Photoshop and other Adobe products, but not FANTASTIC. I sometimes forget where the simplest Word commands are … and EXCEL is a spawn of Satan in my honest opinion. I wish I could have acquired and/or perfected a technique or ability so I could feel more resourceful. I guess it’s not too late and I can always check a tutorial on YouTube or something.

So there you have it. These are some of the things I wish I had done more, less or not at all. But overall my experience in grad school was a memorable one. Now I’m helping a dear friend with her upcoming defense from Big Name U … and all these things come in handy, especially the professional ones so she can get out better equipped for her new life post grad school.

The thesis defense – after all this I’ll be a PhD

As promised before, I’m going to conclude the series on what to expect when you’re applying for grad school, once you get in and how things look toward the end by posting this entry. It’s about how my thesis defense *day* went, starting the tale from a day or two before. I’ll conclude with thoughts and a little on what transpired after, though I mentioned some of it before.

***Disclaimer: I won’t reveal too many intimate details, as I prefer my identity to remain hidden.

So on we go:

I don’t remember if I said this before, but attempting to schedule my defense was c-r-a-z-y …. some of my committee members were out of town, some were too busy to even bother to schedule. I had to put my foot down, write an email without my boss’s “permission” telling them I was more than ready to defend, and it was now or never. I also mentioned that I’d had to extend my job offer and keep being paid by my boss’s grant if they wanted to prolong the agony. It worked, and less than 48 hrs after sending that email (or ultimatum) I had 2 possible defense dates.  But this didn’t mean that life was fine and dandy … having a defense date made the whole process real … it was happening sooner rather than later and I was a nervous wreck in the works … I had to practice the lecture, pack, and staying  on top of things almost proved too much to handle (I also had to pick up family at the airport, make sure they were all comfortable, even if all I wanted to do was cry). My only glimmer of hope was that after all this ordeal I’d be a PhD.

My mom arrived a few days prior to the D-day, while the boyfriend arrived less than 12 hours before the defense. I was super … SUPER nervous. I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m having some faith issues, so I did no prayer before, not even meditation. I was going at it all alone (also, since my mom is super spiritual AND religious, I felt as if all the prayer that needed to be done was taken care by her). I did a test run of the defense at home, made sure the presentation worked on a computer other than the lab one, prepared my clothes, shoes and accessories, all was taking shape.

The defense was to take place at 10am, on a beautiful summer morning. I had a lovely designer dress, and I wore the shoes I had worn 6 years earlier when I got the invite for the interview at Big Name U (to borrow Dr. Leigh’s term). At 8:30 am we headed out (might have been earlier, by this time I was running on pure adrenaline, was super psyched and ready to get this over and done) and my mom started to pray  … but I just didn’t want to hear it , at all. I was SO nervous I thought I’d puke. We got to school, went into my old office and I had the BF take care of my mom. I showed them where I’d defend, what would happen and when they’d have a chance to see me in private once things were totally over.

I think I might have done a few changes here and there, but the talk was all ready for delivery. I said hi to a few friends, and finally walked out and into the room. I felt a bit like a quarterback that’s the underdog at the Super Bowl, all odds seem to be against you, but the people who love you are there and they are cheering for you. You have to understand that even with all the prep, all the coaching, all the prayers, all the breathing I still felt like I could fail, like failure was an REAL option (especially after what had happened at my qual). My boss, my family and I were in the room for a little while before people started showing up. At my school you give a public lecture followed by a closed door meeting where you’re grilled for what appears to be hours on end and finally when you’re almost down on your knees begging for mercy they tell you to exit, to then congratulate you because you’re a doctor now (I’ve exaggerated some facts here … just trying to get a giggle out of all the minted PhD’s that may come in contact with this blog).

After 30 minutes my lecture started. I’ve never been so proud of myself as when I was clicking and saying the words, when I was talking about what had been my life for the last 5 years. Memories (good and some not so good) started flowing, and I remember not being nervous at all. Friends, family, co-workers, profs that served as my inspiration, all known faces were there. I remember most of the advice the boss had given me just minutes before, enunciate, breathe, think and speak the words confidently. It all just clicked, and on and on I talked, I paused, I was on top of the world.

After the lecture was over, and some great questions were asked it was time to pack it all and head over to the defense. The call it defense for a reason, I felt like I was defending my points, my work and my ideas in front of Supreme Court, and all odd were stacked against me (not really, it was more the nerves than anything else). That was the part that scared me the most. I was anticipating the looks of the committee if I made some stupid mistake and got confused or something, or if there was a piece of critical knowledge would somehow escape me.

I can’t remember how long it was .. but I think it was over an hour long meeting, when they finally asked me to step outside, and after a few minutes of talking and God knows what … they came out and CONGRATULATED ME!!!!! Yes, ME, totally me, all of me. They said that I was a Dr, a PhD. I could not believe it. My boss and I were both beaming with joy. They shook my hand (or hugged me … I can’t remember), we all went in and they all signed my thesis cover title page (a procedure that’s very normal, even if you have to make changes to the thesis later). After saying thank you for like 10 minutes we all headed out, and I headed into my boss’s office for a breather. I got gifts and cards from friends and co-workers, and I got briefed on what to do next (how long the changes would take, what to do next) … and after what appeared to be hours (but were only minutes) I finally headed out to meet with my loved ones and share my happiness.

At first I couldn’t find them. With all the nerves and excitement I’d forgotten my cell phone in my purse, which my mom had, and it was silent, so there was no way that my family could find out that I was out of the woods. My mom and BF are very polite and proper, so I thought they would not get my phone out of my purse. I tried calling from an emergency phone, my boss was not in the office .. it was all crazy. After a few minutes of wandering around I found the BF and we got into one of the longest and most meaningful embraces EVER! It was so awesome. He’d seen me blooming, he’d held my hand when nobody else could. He helped me study for a super important test, even though he knew nothing about the techniques and problem. Then I met with my mom. She was so … SO proud …. to have her very own PhD, hehe. Growing up she said an old aunt and she used to talk about how one day I’d be teaching the pros, the masters … and in a way it was true. We then reminisced of lost ones, of family members who could only witness this accomplishment from the next life.

A few hours later we had a departamental gathering were my committee, profs, friends, classmates and co-workers came in to share and congratulate my mom and I. I was pure smiles. And that’s when it finally dawned on me, how all those years of effort had paid off. How I was this newly minted PhD who could “conquer” the world with her super skills (they totally are). I got many hugs, smiles, congrats, nudges …. I was in heaven.

The next few weeks were spent making or correcting figures and paragraphs. It all went by very fast. My mom went back home and the BF and I stayed to pack a life of 6 years and move into a totally new direction.

Months have passed and I am getting close to (hopefully) attend graduation (I’ve never missed one, I loved being all gowned up … and this might be the last time I wear the grad gear … for REALS … unless I become a PI … but that’s a whole different story).

I can honestly say now that even though some of the hardest times in my life happened while in grad school, I would not have it any other way … in fact, if I could fasttrack a few moments I’d do it, so I could enjoy the fruits of my labour sooner. But I guess everything happens at the appropriate time.

This is my story. This concludes my series on what to expect when you go to grad school. Cheers! And best wishes to you my padawan.

More things to expect while in grad school (post first year)

Hooray … it looks like my PC is working again (though slowly) … and I can finally write the ending posts of the series on grad school. I plan have an entry grouping all (or linking all) the entries once I’ve finished the series. I think that besides this entry on how some of the next years might look like, I’ll add a little bit on how my defense went and what I did once I had completed my lecture and defended the thesis.

On to the goodies, what to expect after your first year of grad school:

1. Once you’ve passed your classes, you will more than likely take courses for part (or all) of the second year. At this time you might be preparing for the qualifying exam. It will be a lot of hard work because by now you’ve completed rotations and are ready to immerse your mind, body, soul and life into the thesis project. It’s hard to strike a balance, and sometimes it will feel like you can’t do all three (and balance it all with a little bit of life outside of the lab). It’s Ok to neglect a bit lab work .. but please don’t take this as a license to automatically leave all the work. You’ll more than likely will deal with tons of reading, learning new techniques or perfecting the ones you know. I think that some schools have a policy of allowing students to take some time off the lab to work on the qual. I think this is totally fair and necessary … especially if your quals are a little like mine. Your boss might object, but if there’s a policy in place to protect you, make good (and fair) use of it.
2. Once quals and classes are out of the way, you can rest assured a bit that you’ll be in full thesis mode. Take as much advantage of your first years after completing the qual to put in as many hours and effort as you can … why you might ask … well, because this is just the beginning and you will get tired of it, especially towards your 4th or 5th year, when you start getting the itch to leave.
3. Go to seminars and present your results, however humble you think your research is. You’d be surprised to see how many people find your area of research interesting and want to lend a hand, start a collaboration, or maybe recruit you as a postdoc later on.
4. Network …. ’nuff said.
5. Check out what resources your school has available for you (both for funding and your post-academic path) so you can start planning for what’s to come once you’re out.
6. Update your CV as much as possible, so when the time comes to apply for a job, fellowship, or just network it will be in need of just a few touches. I’d add, carry it with you at all times, because like I mentioned in #3, you never know who’s recruiting and who’s impressed by your work.
7. You’ll meet with your committee anywhere from every 3 to every 12 months, so be ready weeks in advance to move your schedule so you can adapt to theirs …. because as we all know PI’s are always super busy, revising this, critiquing that.
8. Participate in as many seminars as possible, especially if you’re shy. This will give you the chance to get acquainted with presenting your work, polishing your speaking abilities … and network.
9. Expect to be tired …. it’s one of the”perks” of grad school.
10. Have regular meetings with your boss … to keep him/her updated about your projects, instrumentation, worries, conferences … in one word, everything. Keep him/her in the loop. I think that because my PI and I developed a close relationship, it was especially helpful for when I was getting tired of grad school and needed to get out, or for “trivial” things like vacay time.
11. Expect to give and/or receive mentoring from/for colleagues, as well as any newcomers.
12. Save money, not only for vacay but for when it’s time to get out. I’d say, have a few hundred bucks safely stored in case a family member becomes ill, your mode of transportation needs repairs (or there’s a transit strike), or if you need a weekend off to recharge your batteries. Also, that extra money will come in handy when you approach the end of your grad school run and you need to look for a job, cover a move or live off of something while looking for a job.
13. You’ll gain and you’ll lose friends. It happens. It sucks, but it’s also a relief especially if you have sucky “friends” or frien-enemies.
14. Expect tons of competition, and many deadlines to beat so you get your paper published first, your abstract accepted at that ultra-sleek conference, or while satisfying the demands of your department and/or grad school.
15. Grey hairs … ’nuff said.
16. Heartbreak … whether it’s due to a nasty break up or a divorce, or your sometimes boyfriend/girlfriend leaving school, it may happen …. and you will get over it … grad school will give you the strength to survive pretty much everything.
17. Your year(s) after the qual. will be the ones where pretty much all the data acquisition, analysis and publication goes on. Some labs have “policies” on when students will get their work published. Previous students in my lab had their work published after they defended (basically their committees were happy to sign off if the paper was on its way to the editor). When it was my turn, I had to have a first author paper published. So check with your lab and department (and maybe even the grad school).
18. As soon as you get permission to write ( or even way before, it’s usually a few months prior to your thesis defense) gather as much of your materials and methods and start putting those together. The materials and methods chapter (if required as a separate entity from the publication(s) chapter(s)) is probably one of the first ones to get done, the sooner it’s done, the sooner you’ll get to start working with the other, more “meaty” chapters.

These are just some of the experiences you might live to tell as you progress in your graduate career. If more come to mind, I’ll share, but basically it boils down to keeping your project alive and your boss and department happy. There might be some drama here and there, especially when scheduling meetings, or even your defense, but bear in mind that we all go through some sort of drama at some point in grad school. It’s ok, it will be ok, and sooner or later it will be over, and you might get a laugh or two.

Cheers, and good luck!

Saturday outing – a traveling couple

I joke sometimes with the BF that we are a traveling couple since our first date took place between NYC and Boston (we absolutely LOVE Bean town) and ever since then we’ve traveled to many, many places … particularly since the BF likes to go on little outings during the weekend.

I love to travel, I do, but in the cold weather it’s kinda hard, especially when I don’t know any super awesome tricks to de-fog the windows in the car.  So sometimes I’m a bit …. mmmm, anal about traveling, especially if driving is involved. I do the driving because a) it’s my car, b) I’m a control freak, and c) the BF is awesome with the GPS his parents got us for Xmas a few years back.

So today we went close to Lake Huron. During the summer we were in a lovely town, about 45 minutes from home, but there are a whole bunch of other little towns around the lakes. We’ve been to one of the cutest towns ever, one called Niagara-on-the-Lake which has a quaint Main St. filled with lovely little shops. Today’s town was no exception. Many little stores filled with glassy-artsy things, colourful clothes and a few with some very pricey tags. Nonetheless I managed to score a lovely and colourful mouse for the BF’s mom, a lovely owl dish (tiny, less than 5 in), and a kitty cat with a springy tail. I heart cats like you have no idea. Then we went to a jewelry/metal store where the had a BOGO sale, and I scored 2 lovely pairs to earrings, with squares and colourful bits.

We drove back to our place, stopped to get a cup of hot cocoa (with soy milk) and on I went to look at snow boots. Poor girl at the mall .. I feel for her. I went in to the store, tried about 3/4 pairs, left with none. Then, when we finally got home I scored a pair of snow shoes from Landsend for 35$, shipping included.

Overall it was a lovely day. I’m super happy with the findings, and most of all, the BF is happy because we didn’t spend the day bored at home, instead we visited Lake Huron, all frozen (or at least as far as we could tell), all lovely. Now I have to start collecting and storing all the ornaments and candles, and such.

How was your weekend?

Returning to “normal”

So …. the BF and I will start our trip back to our canadian abode in a few hours. We will say our goodbyes and see you laters. It’s been a good and not so good vacay. Two major things have happened in the last few days. A family member died on my side, and the BF is having to deal with a difficult professor. I can’t give too many details, but these last few days have been hectic. I only had 1 meal today since I was at the funeral home and then burial for most of the day, and I spent a few hours with the BF before our return “home.”

I have to say that though I’m excited for the new year, the last few days have drained my energies and  I don’t have the slightest desire to start working. I’m comfy at home, with my parents, my family, my surroundings. It hasn’t been cold at home, so I can walk around with a lot less layers and such. But I feel like it’s too soon to go back, like my time at home just went whoosh, and disappeared. I have yet to say hello to 2 good friends from school, and I’m owing a 3rd one some dinner, but again, time has been all whacked out lately.

I think that I’m resenting some things from the lab, like all the people and having to go out of my comfort zone to accommodate my experiments. On the good side, I don’t have a thesis to finish, on the bad side, I don’t see a clear delineation of my project and I know I need to take the lead, I just don’t know how … and that irritates me. Also, the BF’s situation has me wanting to slap a certain faculty member of his, luckily he’s got some friends that know some ins and out on policies which hopefully will be enough ammo to shut the hell up with that certain ass-wipe prof.

That’s all the venting for now. Hopefully soon I’ll be blogging from my own PC. I hope to purchase or craigslist a new monitor for my home computer.

Happy 2010. Best wishes

End of the year MeMe

I love doing memes …. just because I enjoy reading them years later to see how things were in the previous years, and what and how things have changed since. Without further delay, here’s my 2009 meme:

An end of the year analysis… in meme form.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Moved out of my “home” away from home for 6 years and into a different country and culture.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I’m not a huge Resolution person. But I did moved out of the States, into Canada and finished my degree. I also got to learn new methods for doing research (new to me anyways) and moved in with the boyfriend for the second time in my life (well, previously he was the one to move in with me).

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Mmmmm, not that I remember now. My sis did get preggo.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Mmmmm, not so sure, I don’t think so.

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Mmmm, less debt, less weight and more peace family-wise. A better understanding of my research project and expectations from the boss and a happier attitude towards life.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
July X, 2009 …. the day I finished my PhD.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing the PhD.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not paying off my debt sooner and not meeting as much with the new boss as I should have.  Oh, and not taking the phone to place a call to a certain postdoc from hell who behaved like an idiot and a selfish bastard with the last paper stemming from my thesis.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A stupid flu that I thought was the H1N1.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Mmmmm, health insurance in Canada …. and my yellow purse?

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My mom and my BF’s prior to my defense …. too much undeserved patience. Oh and my upstairs neighbour from the States who bought like 130$ in furniture.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Stupid postdoc from hell.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Moving …. and moving related expenses, and starting up in Canada.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New job, moving and my Xmas gifts. Oh and my new shows and my 89$ Parka from Joe …. Joe I love YOU!

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2009?
A few oldies. I cut cable off at the beginning of the year to save some $ for the move and tuned off VH1 and MTV. I occasionally liked a song or two from watching The Hills.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. Happier or sadder? Happier since I don’t have a thesis to worry about.
2. Thinner or fatter? A few people at home have said that I look thinner than last year. I do not believe them, but maybe I am.
3. Richer or poorer? Debt-wise about the same, but my car is paid off and I’m not getting slammed with thousands of $ “health insurance” and “activity and recreation fees” from school … really, do grad students have to pay for a gym while they don’t have the time or energy to lift a finger?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Traveling and photography.  Oh, and sleeping.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Complaining and not sleeping.

20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
At home with my family, juggling between attending church with my mom, helping my sis move out of my parent’s house, and spending a few short hours with the BF.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
The BF texting, an my mom on Skype.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
More and more with the same adorable guy.

23. How many one night stands in this last year?
None; though it would have been interesting to have one or two with the BF, hehe.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
OMG, Little Mosque on the Prairie and The City.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I dislike a lot of people, but hate is kinda strong.

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
Baking Cakes in Kigali

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Vedera .. from The Hills

28. What did you want and get?
A completed thesis and defense, a first author paper, a successful move and more vacay time.

29. What did you want and not get?
Even more money, tons of undies, more cool music and better spending habits.

30. What were your favourite films of this year?
Mmmm, a few, mostly indie ones. I can’t remember all their names.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25 + 3, I think I spent it alone since the BF and my mum were traveling to see me a few days later.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Finishing earlier and getting that darn postdoctoral fellowship, also getting the first author place on MY second thesis aim paper.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Sadly none. There are styles I like but probably can’t pull off and I’m afraid of being too out of the box, so I stay with jeans, snickers and a basic tee.
34. What kept you sane?
The BF and my mum.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Mmmm, trying to think … Penelope Cruz … probably.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Healthcare bill in the US and same-sex marriage, both of which should pass because the government shouldn’t intrude in people’s bedrooms and conservatives should shut up, and a supposedly “big” country should have a universal, affordable way of caring for their sick.

37. Who did you miss?
A few southern eateries and the family.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Lab tech, insanely knowledgeable and talented … and patient.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
It’s OK to think outside of the box, and to talk things over before making a huge fuss about a misunderstanding.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

Not a clue. I’m too tired to remember.

Resolutions

Many years ago, back in high school our class was asked to write down resolutions for new years. It didn’t matter if we kept them, we just needed something written. Then we’d stand up, read them and such. I can’t remember the exact purpose of this task, but I went ahead and did it. I remember very distinctly writing about how much crap we want to accomplish, then Jan 1st rolls in and we do not accomplish a single thing. I was very … mmm, bitter? about writing resolutions.

Well …. I’m kinda tired of sucky projects, so I’m resolved to make some sort (or sorts) of changes this year.  I hope that next december I can sit down look at it and cross over the stuff I did. Here are some of my ideas (all 20 of them).

1. Use my cookbooks to make some food from scratch that’s good for me.
2. Go on a nice summer vacay, even if it’s around Canada.
3. Go to Ottawa for Canada Day!
4. I’m ~186 lbs, I’d love to be ~150 lbs next Xmas.
5. Get up earlier than 9am and start experiments like all the rest of the people in my lab. I’m currently starting my experiments after 10am.
6. Grow my own veggies. I have a bit of a leg up on this one since I just bought green pepper seeds which the BF and I can start growing by the end of the spring, of not earlier. I’d love to try and plant some lavender.
7. Visit the gym at school and hopefully find an activity, gym machine or something to keep me motivated and help in the losing the weight part.
8. Buy a DSLR by the end of the year. Even though my point and shoot is still kicking ass, and I’ve taken some seriously awesome pics I’d still love to do more.
9. Get a kick ass laptop.
10. Pay off taxes without using a credit card (I’m saving for this, but it gets though especially when considering the need for a new battery or snow tires).
11. Get my contract renewed.
12. Attend a scientific conference and network.
13. Pay off two of my 4 debts. I’m starting the year by dropping some serious cash on a debt that’s less than 1K. I know it should take me no time to reduce this one, but since the minimum payments for the credit cards is up, and I have to divide my money into the other debts too so my credit does not go to hell for missing a payment or sending in less than the minimum amount, it gets though to nail those debts as fast as I’d like.
14. If I can’t get #9, I’d like to at least get a good monitor for my PC, which although is slow, it still works. I have not turned it on since before the defense. As of 01/11/2010 my PC is officially back in business. The BF and I got back a couple of days ago, and though I’ve spent most of my time sleeping … and catching on my sleep on Saturday we headed for dinner, when we saw it … in a pile of things that people donate/dump at our complex … a monitor of the same brand and dimensions as the one I had before relocating. It was bliss. Some people have left books, a vintage sewing machine (it’s sitting in the car trunk), a table, and random things. We’ll, we took the monitor with all its cables and things, went to dinner, took it out and the BF plugged it to the wall to see if it turned on … it did! Then a few hours later he begged me to get him the power cables for the computer. I took out a few (I was SO tired I didn’t want to deal with setting up the computer) … he tested it … and my old wallpaper was there … with all its colours and all the documents I had on my desktop. Our guess is that someone got a new monitor for Xmas and dumped that one. Today … the awesomest BF ever sent me a message saying he’d hooked up all the cables and things, moved the internet cables from his room to my room and had my computer up and running!!! I’m still a little tired (physically) and I’ve been worried about not having enough energy to start and finish my day’s work, so this little surprise comes as an awesome way of helping my life be a little easy. This means that I’ll be able to post more frequently while he’s preparing his lectures or while facebooking or talking to people. When I get home I’ll hook up the speakers and the surge protector … and hopefully things will be up and running for good until I get a laptop. Thus, out of the 20 items I wanted to cross off my list of achievements for this year, one is gone!!!! Hooray for donations and awesome boyfriends!!!!
    
15. Visit my old school and attend my grad school graduation.
16. Learn to love my parents as they are, even if it means not agreeing with some of their beliefs.
17. Keep on going as strongly with the BF as we’ve had over the last few months. November and December were pretty good relationship-wise, and I’d love to keep on going in the same direction. We have this chemistry, this way of being funny and getting along that is even better than at the beginning, so I hope this keeps on happening. Who knows if this is Mr. Right for the future
18. Get a nice hair stylist that understands my hair, gets me the haircut and style I want and listens to how I want my hair to be dried (blow-dried, super slick … I’d hate to look like a lion when I get out of the salon).
19. Be better at doing groceries and other activities that involve shopping, so I can be more conscientious and less wasteful. So far I’ve done good at home. I found a great deal on my walking/running shoes and I’ve gotten small things for the home, but I have not gotten hideous clothes or 4 thousand purses.
20. Go through all my toiletries and lotions and soaps so I feel good when I get some new ones … I have this thing where I’ll be using two shampoo’s or 3 lotions or soaps at a time. I have a good chunk of them at home in Canada, and I’d love to start purchasing a brand a like, a single one, rather than have 3 different brands of a product that I hate. This way I can help achieving #19.

And as a bonus: shave more often, get cute and comfy undies, and donate old but good clothes to make room for things I really need and want AND like.

Visiting: Family, friends & drama

Hey all! It’s been almost a week since I’ve been home. The BF and I had a 2 hr delay, but made it safe.  I really wanted to get home, eat home food, talk with my parents and sister and see friends. I’ve done a few of those things. And before I left my Canadian home I knew I needed to brace for drama. I’m a liberal, so a few of the reasons for the drama bother me, and yes, I know we must learn to respect other people’s opinions and convictions, but it kills me to see how some of the drama could be avoided if some of the conservative ways of thinking were not there.

My mommy and daddy are VERY conservative. My daddy despises church, my mom goes to it several times a week. Now she’s organizing a retreat and has to call and follow-up on people who supposedly will co-operate with her … but sometimes I think they just lean on her. Also she’s a retiree, and though I know church makes her feel useful, she’s not earning a dime, or at least some sort of physical reward for printing hundreds or documents, follow people up by phone and such. It bothers me too because she’s involved with a very conservative flavour or branch from the church, which in my opinion is giving her an extra (unneeded) headache.

Earlier this year my sister became pregnant. She called me as soon as she found out and she was literally scared of my parent’s reaction. To make the long and painful story short my daddy has embraced the situation and the new baby a LOT better than my mom. My mom went to talk to a priest from church who luckily told her to NOT marry my sis just to cover up circumstances. But I’m sure in the back of her mind, she still wants to try to marry her because a “good” girl should not have a kid out of wedlock. Mommy has times when she cries because my sis just moved in with her boyfriend, and though she’s 10 minutes away my mom totally feels alone (I’ve been trying to tell each side to be a little more understanding, to mediate and to not shun each other from their lives).

This whole situation has opened old wounds in me, things that I thought I had left behind. Also, my faith is in shambles, and sometimes I feel like I don’t care much for the church and even God. I’m pissed off by how conservatives in all branches of all churches had taken bits and pieces of the bible to justify hate, shunning people out of “God’s house” and do many other things that I thought Jesus had said not to do (remember Matthew 25:36 anyone). But this is partly besides the point.

I used to have a real close relationship with my mom. She’s ALWAYS been very supportive of me, and my school decisions. Boyfriend-wise my parents we’re not to keen on my dating many guys (because that’s only done by sluts … something that can be traced to ultra-conservatives views of people in any church). They wanted me to pursue a career (a very progressive thing to do in my view), but to eventually return home and get a job, a good husband and have kids. I’ve done some of those things. I finished my degree, moved to where the man I love lives and works, and hopefully in 2-3 years I’ll be doing a real-intensive job hunt to hopefully work close to everyone, BF included.

That does not piss me. What does is something my mom said the other day. She was saying how many people could or have criticized her in terms of how she’s not accepting of my sis’ decision and her baby because of her religion and mostly her conservative beliefs. I kind of agreed, but didn’t say anything. She then said that her faith in God is what’s kept her afloat. But for a minute I wonder … if she didn’t believe in God but was a moral person (like SO many non-believers who in my opinion are better at adhering to Mat. 25), would she have had such a hard time accepting the baby, or the act that lead to the baby?

The BF and I had an interesting discussion about this. I told him that I firmly believed that if my mom’s conservative “values” and beliefs weren’t there, if she was more chilled out, she might have had a different reaction to my sis’ pregnancy. My BF disagreed, he exposed his points and then the situation changed into why am I so mad at the church and it’s leaders, and why I’m opting out of participating in some sacraments. He said some very valid things (like why a sin of the “flesh” seems to be more frowned upon by some than say … homicide, etc … this goes to the point of why some commandments seemed to be viewed by some as more important than others). And then we both remembered something a few priests have said before, how the most important commandment can be summarized in “Love your God above all and your neighbour as much as you do yourself” … which I think is genius, because if we love our God and love each other the way we are supposed to love ourselves, wouldn’t the following the commandment parts be easier, or accomplished by “default.” We decided to stay true to that “summary” of God’s commandments, because if we do then accepting others won’t be as hard of a job as it’s been, we’ll hopefully tolerate each other more easily, and above all, learn to love God even is those who deliver His message are wrong sometimes.

This is not to say that I’m not pissed at having to deal with the drama. Especially when all I want to do is just watch TV, talk to the parents drama free and enjoy my new nephew.

It scares me (and I told my mom this) that because she’s so consumed on the act that led to the baby’s coming it might just kill her because of all the worry. And I went a step further by suggesting that if she lets her health decline and get all beaten up by this, what’s going to be God’s opinion about her taking care of his temple (her body, the Holy Spirit’s temple). I don’t know if something I’ve said will do any good, if it serve to help her tame her fears and worries …  but it’s not easy, and I’m not sure it will happen, but all I can do it try. And it pisses me off that these toxic thoughts and such are taking over my mom’s head, and that sometimes she might not tell people about my sister because of fear they will judge her (which they will do … now, when she need soup or a lift to the doctor or the hospital, they do not support or help in any way … not very Christian in my book …. remember Mat. 25?).

All in all it’s not been as dramatic as I thought it was going to be, but I’m not sure the storm is over just yet. For now all I can do is try to stay the course, talk to people and hope for the best. I still have almost 13 days left, so I’ll try to make the most of them.

How have your Xmas vacations been? Happy New Year!!

Travelin’ and getting home at insane hours

After many hours waiting at the airport, and a couple of flights later I report that the BF and I are home … each at their parent’s house (we live apart when we’re back for the holidays).

As the day went on different ideas popped into my head regarding what I’d write about each funny, silly or over the top thing that happened. I decided to just write a little bullet list of some of the main happenings of the day:

• Originally the BF and I were going to drive to the airport, but although my car tires are Ok, the BF had a tiny car accident which scared me enough not to want to drive if the weather got nasty. Although we have not seen too much snow (at most 3-5 inches which has quickly melted) I was a bit hesitant about packing up and paying tons of money on parking, so instead we called a local shuttle service which for about the same amount of money took us to the airport safely and without worries. The downside … since we made the reservations a few days before, the noon departing time was all full, so instead we got out of town 2 hours earlier, which put us at the airport ~6 hrs before the flight.
• We had an easy time getting to the airport and luckily enough they let us check in then and there, which took care of not having to carry the bags around forever.
• We had lunch at one of my fave spots at the airport, then settled down to a nice corner to talk, play video games, and watch a movie.
• We waited, and waited, and waited …..
• And kept on waiting.
• Then about 1hr before the departure time and idiot kid decided he’ll look for signal for his crackberry right behind me. I have to say that we were sitting at a corner close to the fate and there were no seats behind us. The stupid idiot decides to just stay there while I’m playing games on the BF’s computer. I was like “hello, you idiot kid, I’ve been here forever and even though this is your gate too that doesn’t give you permission to just barge in, dump all your crap behind my back and have your music blaring at an insane volume.
• The guy finally took a seat, and since we were close to a power thingie (to plug the laptop) he TOO decided to plug ALL his entertainment gear there … and sat right next to the BF’s seat. I mean, really, you have not learned to give people some space? Couldn’t you use another wall receptacle or something? I’m seriously thinking that I just happen to attract people, that or I’m completely transparent and no one can see me.
• Anyways, out time to board flight #1 comes … and everything is on time. We board, but since I convinced the BF to get us the cheapest flight possible space is running out of the overhead bins way fast. It’s partly due to the fact that you have to pony up almost 20 USDs to check in your bag (online, in person is almost 30 buckaroos).
• Everything is good, we go on our flight and a few hours later we get to our destination before home.
• The second flight was delayed and the stupid airline gets the part of the airport that stinks the most. Seriously, I have a very sensitive nose, and where do we get dumped? In the part that smells like nasty feet and doggie pee.
• We waited for ~2-3 hours when it’s time to board. Again we run out of over-head space, but since the BF and I are carrying small bags we managed to find a spot … though the flight attendant was a BITCH! Yeah, I get it, thousands of people traveling everyday is a nuisance, but do you have to have an attitude too?
• After being at the stinky terminal and gate for a few hours now we have to wait some more, because 1/3 of the remaining passengers had a delayed flight at their previous destination and I imagine that the airline is too capitalist and greedy to give them a room for the night, so instead they make the passengers on board wait. Thank goodness we only waited for ~ 30 mins. It just gets nasty to have too many people on top of each other, breathing the same air and then waiting more than you had bargained (or planned for).
• Finally we are airborne and about 2 hours later we’re home. We are home. Our families come to greet us and my mom and dad hug me and say “welcome Dr. 27 and a PhD” ….. wow, that feels awesome.
• We drive home after saying goodbye for the night to my lovely honey and we finally get home. My daddy stopped at a local bakery to get me my fave kind of bread and I get home to a warm, clean place, full of Xmas decor, a nice (and twin sized bed, my bed from college) bed, and my diploma.
• After seeing it I don’t think it’s that small. It says my name (my full name, perfectly spelled), and then it says doctor of philosophy with all the honors and things and stuff. A beautiful end to a crazy and crowded night.

Just this morning a friend phoned me, not knowing I was home already and asked me to join her and another friend for drinks or dinner. I have not decided since the BF and I wanted to go eat at WAY too many places, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out. For now, I bid farewell, and keep enjoying my daily dose of local (and crazy) TV. More to come as the weeks go by

PS. I forgot to mention, we spend all in all almost an entire day traveling, between shuttles, waiting, flights and delays. But I’m happy to be home once again.

Vacay Time and Other Topics

Hey y’all! Some of my southerness had to come up at some point, ha!

So, today I’m concentrating protein and hopefully freezing it soon in liquid nitrogen (I hope the campus LN2 facility is not closed for the holidays yet). I’ve had a couple of my labmates saying their good-byes and merry X-mas for a day or two, and our next door neighbors brought a card and freshly baked cookies to lift out spirits. I’m concentrating and maybe this might be the last step of purification and storage I’ll do until next year. The BF and I made arrangements for transport to the airport and soon enough we’ll be on our way to see family and old friends. I can’t wait to be home (though I’m sure some drama will happen due to events that occurred earlier in the semester). I’m not sure how much of it I’ll post, but I’m sure I’ll have some disagreements with a few family members. But whatever, eventually things will settle, they always do.  Mmmm, I dunno. But in any case, I may or may not be able to post more frequently than I’ve been doing now. My parents have internet and a PC, but my mom will be using it a lot to do church related things, so bear with me if you don’t see much of me around the blogosphere.

On a slightly different note, I’ve been thinking about a couple of posts I want to write about. I want to finish the “series” I started on what to expect while in grad school, I also have a post planned on undergrads, undergrad research and grad school and relationships in grad school. I may post something about the break, but I don’t want too many specifics so that anonymity is kept and the universe retains its balance.

I probably won’t write again until I’m home, so for now I wish my readers, however few or many you are a safe trip, a safe and calm, and relaxing vacation time. And for those of you who celebrate it, a Merry Christmas. Best wishes and much luck on your last experiments of the year. Ta ta!